Chapter 96: Where did I stop?

Words : 1087 Updated : Oct 5th, 2025

Chapter 96: Where did I stop? I stayed quiet, trying to control myself and free my heart from the cloth of painful feelings that it was wrapped in. I hated that I was quick to tears, but what I hated more was that despite knowing what I had gone through, despite remembering everything they had made me go through... I still couldn’t hate them as much as I was supposed to, and that made me feel miserable. I couldn’t shun them. I couldn’t... I couldn’t hit them. I couldn’t even curse at them for all their worth. I couldn’t do anything, and not because I was trying to maintain an amicable relationship, but because I couldn’t bear to do anything. Was my heart always so weak? I had no idea, but it caused me to feel and look pathetic in front of Jin-Yeok. ’These stupid emotions...’ I rubbed my cheeks violently, trying to stop the tears, but they wouldn’t stop. ’Stop crying already. Stop it.’ Jin-Yeok watched how ’pitiful’ I looked, and his heart ached. He got up and sat next to me, dropping my head on his shoulder. "I’m fine, I’m fine." I said, though I was still sobbing. Why did he have to see me like this? "Seriously, master. I’m alright." Says the person whose tears wouldn’t stop flowing down. Jin-Yeok reached his hand towards me to wipe the tears off my cheek, but then he paused, looking at his glove. And for the first time, he took off his gloves. At least, just one hand, and after contemplating for a while, he used his hands to touch my cheek. On contact, I flinched, shocked that he had actually taken off his gloves and looked at him. His hands were warmer than I thought, and they smelled nice too. Did he put a bit of perfume or cologne in his gloves? Were they not normal gloves? His hands were soft, smelled nice, and looked pretty. This man had it all. But... Why did he need to take off his glove? Jin-Yeok saw the shock in my eyes that stopped me from crying and said, "I want to hear the rest of the story," he said, with a near-dry smile as he felt he had no right to be smiling while I cried. "If there’s a solution, even if it’s not permanent, I... I want to take it, so you don’t have to cry for me anymore." So, Jin-Yeok thought I was crying because of him. It wasn’t because of his condition that I was crying, but if that works out fine, then alright, I would take it. I sniffed and held his hand. They were indeed soft. I took his hand and wiped my tears with it. He had offered, so he needed to do it properly. "Okay," I said. Jin-Yeok watched this, and I could tell I had shot an arrow into his heart. I could tell what he was thinking right at that moment because of how his expression wavered with my actions. He thought I looked cute. He definitely did, and because he was embarrassed by his own thoughts, he looked away. Yet... I could still see the slight flush on his cheek. I wish it were this easy to read him on a normal day. I wouldn’t need to walk on thin ice all the time. "Where did I stop?" I asked after successfully calming down, but I did not let go of Jin-Yeok’s hand. Was it the fear that he would put on his gloves again as soon as I let go? I don’t know, but I just wanted to hold his hand. Maybe I felt more reassured that way. "You said he had started to notice the side effects after a few years." He said, and I nodded. He was listening well. It was just a story I made up to fit his situation, but it was important so I couldn’t forget the details. This was the tale I chose to tell to warn Jin-Yeok of what might lie ahead. "That’s right." I said. "This man began to lose the color on his face, and the light in his eyes began to fade. He... He could no longer recognize reality. He began to see his nightmares in front of him, which made him gradually go crazy. He didn’t know which was real or which was fake. The things that happened in the night that he didn’t remember in the day because of his split personality began to play in front of him when he was in the middle of a meeting, having his coffee in his office, and even on the road." "So, he gradually went crazy?" Jin-Yeok asked, and I nodded. "Yes, but instead of stopping the drugs, he decided to take more of them, hoping it would make him feel better, but that didn’t work. Having more isn’t always good. It only hastened his madness, and before long, he picked up an axe and killed everyone in his mansion one night." I said, my heart heavy. "He killed his wife, whom he finally got to marry after putting his life in order. He killed his newborn child whom she had been protecting with her body. He killed his butler, his maids, and everyone he came across. No one could escape his madness." Tears began to slide down my cheeks again. This time, I was really crying for Jin-Yeok. This situation was much too similar to his. To kill one’s own lover in a state of madness was the epitome of regret. "And when he came to his senses, he found himself surrounded in blood and corpses, and in front of him was his dead wife holding their lifeless child in her arms. He had destroyed his own life. The drug gave him so much, and in the end, took it all from him in the most painful and gruesome way." I clutched Jin-Yeok’s hand. "There is no permanent solution, and taking more of the temporary solution does not mean things will get better, master." I said to him with pleading eyes, tears rolling down uncontrollably. "So please, stop taking that drug. I fear that one day... You will come to regret it. You will... Definitely regret it." I bowed my head. "And I fear that I may be among the lives you take when the drug finally takes control of you. So, please listen to me and stop taking the drug. I beg you."

Chapter 96: Where did I stop?

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