Chapter 81: Memories of the world

Chapter 81: Memories of the world In the next few days, I kept busy by reading books and walking around to receive some fresh air. Being cooped up in my house wasn’t helping my condition. I was having less and less time to sleep because of how frequently I got startled from my sleep. I don’t know what was startling me, but after at least two hours of sleep, I would suddenly wake up, panting. This began after the Shaman came to me. I slept just fine in my one week of recovering in the hospital, so why? I furrowed my eyebrows and pondered on it, but I couldn’t find the answer. I could only keep living and hoping for the best. One day, a few days after I had been discharged, I went out on a walk with a book in my hand. I know it looks strange to see a grown man like me with a broad chest and broad shoulders go around with a book in hand, but I was feeling the need to read in a new scenery, so I didn’t care. Plus, it’s not like it’s a crime for a man to be carrying a book. Most people enjoy web novels or lite novels that are easily accessible through their phone but I love the feeling of flipping pages with my fingers and the woody smell of books. "Haa," I sighed. The path I was taking had a fence and wall flowers crawling over it. I didn’t think too much of it as I strolled on, but then I saw a stray black cat sitting on the fence, resting as it swung its tail playfully around. It looked oddly familiar. I got closer and reached my hand to pet it when it opened its eyes to reveal its black eyes that immediately made me think of Ki-hoon. "Jo-Pil," I heard my name and turned around, but what was the use? The voice I heard was definitely Ki-hoon’s. They sounded caring. But he wasn’t here, so I was definitely imagining it. I turned back to the cat that snuggled its face on my hand. It was because the cat reminded me so much of Ki-hoon that I was starting to hear his voice. ’I did say Ki-hoon reminded me of a cat,’ I thought, a soft smile playing on my lips. Ki-hoon was quite the fiercest brute. He’s the kind that uses the concept, acts first, thinks later. It was nice that he changed. He was still a brute, though, just not an unreasonable one. He was soft, caring... I couldn’t help but remember the way he smiled at me warmly with his eyes full of affection each time he gazed at me. It was so obvious that I couldn’t ignore it even if I tried. Ah... Those memories... I should probably stop entertaining them. But I couldn’t help it. They crept into my head. I dropped my hand and began walking again. If I indulge more in the other novels, then I’ll probably forget them soon. Meeting them was simply like reading a new novel. I meet new characters every day. Though the characters don’t interact with me, but still... I sat on a bench in the middle of a park and opened my book. I got a coffee to go on my way there so I wouldn’t get thirsty out of the blue. I sipped on my coffee as I opened the pages of my book, only to find a ball rolling towards my direction. It stopped after reaching my foot, and I stared at the ball. This wasn’t something I experienced every day. "Oh, sorry about that," I heard a guy’s voice, and raised my head only for my eyes to widen as the face I saw was none other than Min-Cheol. "I must’ve played the ball too far. Sorry," I blinked once and then twice, looking away as the face had changed. I was imagining it. Of course, it was impossible to have someone who looks like Min-Cheol appear in front of me. He just looked similar. His vibe, his Pink hair, and his handsome baby face. But that was all. His eyes weren’t blue like Min-Cheol’s, and he wasn’t as tall as Min-Cheol either. I picked up his ball for him and looked at it. Does Min-Cheol even play sports? I don’t think he does. Since he never got to be a kid and had to face his studies to be the best in everything. Poor Min-Cheol. Given his physics, he would’ve definitely been good at sports. "Uh, excuse me," he called out, and I snapped out of my thoughts. I was still holding on to the ball. "Oh, sorry. Here." He took the ball from me, flashed a smile, and rushed to meet up with his friends. That smile... It reminded me of Min-Cheol too much, and my heart trembled at the fact. Min-Cheol would definitely smile like that when he was excited. I covered a part of my face, biting my lips as a certain uneasy feeling started creeping into my heart. ’I should stop,’ I thought to myself. ’I can’t keep living like this.’ I decided to disregard any form of distraction and simply read my book. I thought the change of scenery while I read would help me, but it wasn’t doing me any good. And then, I heard the clatter of an ice cream bell. Instinctively, I raised my head and found an ice cream truck, and in front of it were two people. Two lovers, I’d assume, and they were getting ice cream. They laughed and I... I watched them with a longing in my heart. It wasn’t the ice cream I was longing for, but the ability to smile like that while standing next to another. Maybe I should get myself a lover, but I can’t bring myself to find one. Then, should I get friends to hang out with more often instead of always burying my face in books? I don’t know. I don’t know if that would work because the heaviness I was feeling in my heart didn’t seem like something that having friends could lift. I... Was missing something. Something important. And this world did not relent to point out the things that I was missing. Or rather... The people. It felt like everywhere I looked, and everything I saw radiated around the memories I had gotten from my dream. Memories I thought did not matter, only till recently. Those memories were destroying me. I was suffering. I didn’t want to admit it before, but I couldn’t deny it any longer. I... I had grown attached to them far more than I realized, and it was making me miss them. I missed them so much that it was silently tearing me apart. It was tearing my heart apart, and I fear I would reach my limit soon.