Chapter 82: Why couldn’t I remember any of my memories growing up?

Chapter 82: Why couldn’t I remember any of my memories growing up? I was able to drag my body back home, but even as I walked back home, the things around me did not stop taunting me. I saw Min-Cheol’s face in some actions that reminded me of Jin-Yeok and things that were similar to Ki-hoon. I saw a bunch of them, but I tried to ignore them. At least... Till I got home. But... As soon as I shut my door, the book in my hand fell and I crashed to my knees, screaming at the top of my lungs as tears rained down my eyes. I clutched my arms as I screamed, hoping that this would at least take away the heaviness I was feeling in my heart. The pain that was crushing me. I felt lost. So lost that I didn’t know what to do or where to go. The neighbors banged on the wall, yelling for me to keep it down, but I couldn’t help it. I felt like screaming a lot more, but I knew if I continued like that, they would bang on my door next, and when that happened... The police would come. It wasn’t normal for a grown man to suddenly start yelling in pain as he wept. So, I bit my lip, digging my teeth deep as I muffled my cries and clutched onto my arms. It felt like the more I poured out my pain through my tears, the harder it was to contain them. But these questions kept taunting me as I cried. Why was I in pain? What did I do to deserve this? Did I commit some sort of crime? Why was I living like this? Why did I have to suffer like this? It didn’t make sense to me because I had briefly lived in that world, simply waiting to return to mine. So, what was this attachment that was tearing at my insides? What? I don’t deserve this. I honestly don’t. And so, that was how I spent two hours struggling and crying in pain. I don’t understand it either, but I bet it had to do with the concept of my soul being foreign to this world. In my understanding, the feelings I never thought I had had a strong grip on my soul, so being away was making it more obvious that I had grown attached to them. They say absence makes the heart fonder and the soul yonder. The more I tried to deny or even forget the feelings as well as the memories they carried, the more my heart and soul suffered. I sat next to my bed, my eyes bloodshot and dark, and my face pale. My throat and lips were dry as I had exhausted my saliva, crying. I looked like someone who had no life in them. What do I do now? The teeth marks on my lips were very visible. It was to the point that it looked like I had been trying to intentionally dig my teeth into my lips in order to bite them off. It hurts. Not just my lips... Everything. And I still wondered. Was a week’s worth of spending time there with those Alphas enough to make me fall into such a state? Or was there something else? It was as if my soul was deeply attached to them. As if it belonged there. ’This world does not recognize your soul.’ The words of the shaman replayed in my head, and I dropped my head. If the world did not recognize my soul even till now, if it was doing all it could to push me away, then did it mean that I really wasn’t a part of this world? How? The more I thought about it, the more evident it was that I wasn’t where I was meant to be. But why? I was very sure I had lived in this world all my life before going into the world of the book. In any case, the life I lived in that book was just a dream, I believe it now. My soul had actually gone into the book at the moment I was unconscious. The moment it felt like I had died. How I got there, I have no idea, but that doesn’t explain why my soul was suddenly different now. It didn’t explain anything clearly at all. It’s as if someone is trying to tell me that the life I’ve lived thus far wasn’t my life at all and my life was in that damn book. Why? How? Someone, explain it to me. Why does my soul belong to that book? What sort of joke is the world playing on me? A moment of silence followed my question, and I sighed. It wasn’t like I would get the answer mid-air. There was only one person who might be able to answer my question, and it was the shaman. But I was stubborn. I did not want to give up this life I had so hard to cultivate. This life that had all of my memor-- Wait! My eyes began to tremble as I scratched my head, trying to bring back what I had forgotten. Why... Why couldn’t I remember any of my memories growing up? This was strange. Very strange. I suddenly couldn’t remember anything. I couldn’t remember my family or even the name of the school I studied at. I couldn’t even remember the face of my friend who gave me the book. The only thing I remember is that I had gotten a book from them in my first year of college. I did go to college, right? Doubt crept into my mind. The memory was suddenly blurring in my head as if it had never happened, and I had actually just imagined reading the book. No way! No way! I was sure of it. I was sure there was a book titled ’Bruised’. I began to check my bookshelves frantically. I should still have a copy somewhere. I remember seeing a copy of it, but I don’t remember when. I don’t throw books away, so it should definitely be there. After searching for hours and scattering all my books on the floor in a desperate attempt to search for that one book, I failed. I did try to find it. "This only means it’s not here, right?" I tried to be optimistic and picked up my phone with trembling hands to search the Internet. Even if I didn’t have it in hard copy, it should still be available in soft copy. But when I searched for the book on the Internet, I did not find it. There were similar titles, but there was never one that had an Omega with four Alphas. I even went to the group that booktokers like me, anonymously drop messages, and asked if anyone remembered the book about an Omega with four Alphas. ’So, it’s a dark romance. Omegaverse, where four powerful Alphas bought one Omega to make him carry their children. Omegas with a High breeding rate were rare, I guess. Anyway, I believe the main character’s name is Hwang Jo-Pil. Has anyone heard of it?’ I posted the post and waited anxiously for a response, biting my thumb and continuously shaking my legs before finally getting the first comment. ’There’s a book like that?’