Chapter 85: Jo-Pil’s ending

Chapter 85: Jo-Pil’s ending The shaman watched me as I cried, and she sighed, striking the bowl a third time. "Hwang Jo-Pil, why do you not want to go back?" She asked, and I paused. Among the numerous questions I had asked myself in the past few days, this was one question I had only asked myself once. Why do I not want to go back? Why was I scared to go back, rather? And I came to the conclusion that it was because the book was dark. But as I lived there, the concept of dark had vanished completely with their bright smiles and warm voices as they called my name. Was it because those men were vicious and cruel to me in the novel? The life I don’t remember living but rather reading? No, I didn’t even care much about what had yet to happen and only cared for the present, making the most out of my efforts to get them to like me and protect me. And so, I succeeded. They adored me... To an extent. So, why do I hate the idea? They liked me and did so much for me. I was always reminded of fond memories of them that the little bad thing they did to me on our first meeting had been completely forgotten. I wouldn’t mind having those men in my life for as long as I lived if they would continue to take care of me like this. I wouldn’t mind being a part of their world. And yet... I was still so scared of going back. Why? ’Should I just go back and keep living like I’ve been doing?’ I wondered, but the thought dulled my mind, causing a certain chill to run down my spine. I clutched my arms tight. I was scared. It was as if the fear that had been soaked into my bones, stopping me from thinking lightly of the place. Even if they had changed, it still didn’t cause my fear to subside. If it was true that I had indeed led the life of Jo-Pil in the novel till I reached my demise, then I could understand why my bones were shaking at the thought of going back. The memories of that place that even my soul could not erase were stopping me from going back. I know I said I wouldn’t reveal any spoilers about the end of the novel, but the plan’s changed. It’s no longer a light issue. It’s an issue that regards ’my’ life and death. In the novel, Jo-Pil, who had gotten the attention and affection of the four powerful Alphas, after giving birth four times, and nearly losing his life in the process, decided to take his own life. He had just given birth to the fourth child, which belonged to Ki-hoon. All eyes were on him, and so there was no way to get away. He had done his part and provided the heirs as they wanted. He had given them what they wanted, so he wished they could at least give him what he wanted for the first time in his life. This was one wish he hoped they could fulfil, so he stood on the window, facing the four who were horrified as they watched him. If they tried to take a single step towards him, he would push one leg back. He threatened to jump despite what they did. He said, "You just need to stand there and listen to me." There was a painful smile on his lips. Jo-Pil, who never smiled, was smiling. And the smile was so cruel that it caused their hearts to ache. "I’ve done all that you asked. I’ve fulfilled my duties. I listened to all you had to say, even if I didn’t have much to say in return. But... I listened so I know the kind of thoughts you all have." As he said this, blood rolled down his legs. He was bleeding. "Jo-Pil, you’re bleeding. Come down first, and we can talk about it." Ki-hoon said, his voice filled with desperation and pain. "Please, we’ll listen and we’ll do whatever you want. So, come down." Jo-Pil looked at his hand that was stretched towards him, and it made him sigh. "You don’t get it," he said. "I’m not asking you to stand there and listen to me. If you want to stop me from speaking so badly, then come and stop me. Make your calls or whatever, and have people save me from below, but the moment you make one move, I will take one step out." Jo-Pil used this to threaten them and made them listen to him as he vented how much he hated them. He made them listen to how much he loathed their ’care’ and ’affection’ after doing all that to him. He made sure it stayed in their heads. And when he was done, he laughed. He never had any intention to come down. He wanted this to be the last time they would see him or even be able to speak to him. He wanted them to feel regret for the rest of their lives. Regret that would eat at them and ruin them. Regret that would cause them to take their own life because they could no longer keep living. He wanted them to suffer for the love they had for him and for the pain they had put him through. "I played my part, so it’s time for you to play yours and fulfill this one wish of mine. You’ll do it, right? It’s not like you have a choice but to say you’ll do it." "We’ll fulfill your wish, so get down, please," "Haha, in that case. My wish is..." He said, "... That you all suffer for the rest of your lives." So... He jumped right in front of their eyes with a smile displayed on his lips. It was the most beautiful smile he ever had and one they could only see for the first and last time. That was Jo-Pil’s ending. (Okay, so things took a wild turn out of nowhere. That was so hard to write and reread without feeling tears in my eyes. Am I the only one? Who’s with me?) Though there was a fat chance of that ending being my ending if I returned, the chills I got reminded me that the Alphas weren’t always good people, and they caused me so much pain. They caused me so much suffering as I was made into a breeding machine. And you want me to return to them? My body instinctively feared that storyline, and it stopped me from wanting to go back. It was okay when I took it all for a dream, and I felt there was a world to return to when I woke up, so that was why I felt so carefree. I knew that it was all a dream and I would wake up eventually, so I didn’t think much of it. But to think that was my initial world... And once I go back, there is no escaping it, even if things go haywire... The thought of it made me crazy. I did not want to go. No, I couldn’t go because it felt like I would be reliving that nightmare.