Chapter 91: Nine-Year-Old Declares Emotional War on the Entire Hokage Lineage

Chapter 91 - Nine-Year-Old Declares Emotional War on the Entire Hokage Lineage {Alt title:- Ren Takahashi: Bastard Energy, No Maternal Supervision, Manners Gone} As Ren waited to see whether his jutsu would have any effect, a sharp stream of compressed water suddenly sliced through the air, cutting apart the condensed wind chakra of his [Wind Release: Sky Destruction Blast] in one precise stroke. [Water Release: Water Severing Vortex] The chaotic winds were scattered in an instant. When the air finally cleared, Ren saw one of Jiraiya's clones dissipating after finishing the jutsu, while another, either a second clone or the real deal, stood between Tsunade and Ren, blocking her incoming punch. Taking the cue that the fight was finally over, Ren exhaled and slumped down on a branch like a tired monkey, keeping a wary eye on the two sannin below. Jiraiya glanced up, expression unreadable. "Get down, brat." But Ren didn't budge. He stayed perched on the canopy, warily looking between Tsunade and Jiraiya. 'I'm already done with three out of four members of the original Team 7, and I'm just a genin. I don't want to go for the full 4/4 score.' Seeing his distrust, Jiraiya let out a long breath and raised his hands lightly. "I won't attack you, but if you don't get down, I might change my mind." Ren jumped down, but instead of standing near the sannin, he wisely made his way back to stand beside his team and sensei. Jiraiya sighed again, casting a glance at Tsunade, who was now sitting on the ground, being gently scolded by Shizune, and then at Ren, who seemed to be animatedly whispering complaints to his team. Finally, Jiraiya asked, "What the hell were you two doing near the border area? If that last attack had landed from either side, people would've thought Konoha declared war before the last one had died out properly." Ren raised a hand and pointed indignantly at Tsunade. "Hey! She started it! I was told this would be an examination, but she suddenly started attacking me!" Despite his usual efforts to stay calm and mature, even Ren found it hard to keep his composure after escaping the clutches of a certain snake-themed predator and then being smacked around by his former teammate. Again. From the side, Tsunade scoffed. "Hah! I've got no interest in fighting a brat like you. But I saw you using one of my technique, and even signs of the Eight Gates. I just wanted to see what kind of taijutsu specialist you were." She crossed her arms. "You're the one who started tossing wind jutsu all over the place like a lunatic. I couldn't just stand there and take it. I was planning to show you a trick related to chakra-enhanced strength, but you overreacted." Ren crossed his arms and huffed. "Well, forgive me, oh great Lady Punch-a-lot. I couldn't exactly assume your intentions were noble after being thrashed by your sensei last week, then your charming snake of an ex-teammate a few hours ago, and now by you." There was a moment of silence in the clearing. Then, a low crack echoed under Tsunade's heel as the ground beneath her fractured. Her voice dropped. "What did you just say?" Yugao immediately tugged at Ren's sleeve, trying to shut him up, but Ren was already gearing up for a comeback. Jiraiya, acting as the peacemaker, quickly stepped in with a barely concealed smirk. "Alright, alright. Let's calm down. Both of you." He turned to Ren first. "I get it, you've got grievances. But she's still a highly respected shinobi and your senior. Maybe try showing a little respect, alright?" Ren didn't respond, merely narrowing his eyes. Tsunade gave a little "hmph" and turned to Shizune with a mutter, "Brats these days have no respect for their elders." Shizune only sighed. Jiraiya turned to her next. "Princess, you should also be mindful. He's a genin. If your last attack had landed, and word got out that a Konoha sannin nearly flattened a kid near the border, we'd be explaining things to every daimyo between here and the Wind Country." Tsunade growled at him. "Haaaah?! So now this is my fault!?" Before Jiraiya could respond, Ren scoffed quietly and muttered just loud enough, "It must be because of this temper that she isn't married yet, even though she's now an 'elder'." He even air-quoted the word elder for extra effect. Before Tsunade could launch herself at him, or even react properly, Ren's mouth was immediately clamped shut by Utakata's hand. As Ren's muffled voice died under Utakata's firm palm, the whole clearing fell into stunned silence. Jiraiya's mouth twitched, visibly struggling not to laugh. Shizune looked horrified, and Yugao had both hands on her head in full panic mode. Hitoshi was the only one calm, silently watching the scene with the same expression he probably wore when observing rare insect behavior. Tsunade's eyebrow twitched, dangerously. 'I should run,' Ren thought. 'Not because I'm scared, but because there are some fights you don't pick unless you're suicidal or legally insane.' Still, he tried to squirm out of Utakata's grip. Utakata didn't let go. "You'll be silent for now," he said quietly. "Even though there is not much point but I still like being alive." Tsunade slowly stood up, fists clenched, her foot cracking the ground again as she glared directly at Ren. "Say that again, you little-" "Alright!" Jiraiya stepped in with both hands up, sliding between Tsunade and Ren like a seasoned negotiator at a Kage summit. "Can we please not start another international incident over a joke?" Tsunade glared at him, nostrils flaring. "That wasn't a joke." "He's nine," Jiraiya said, gesturing toward Ren, who blinked innocently behind Utakata's hand. "You can't just punch a nine-year-old for being mouthy, Tsunade." "I can if the nine-year-old has chakra-enhanced strength and wind jutsus strong enough to flatten a damn jungle," Tsunade snapped, folding her arms but slowly taking her seat again. "And don't act like you wouldn't punch a kid if they insulted your hairline." "...Fair," Jiraiya muttered under his breath, but quickly turned back to the group. "Alright, let's just settle things." Utakata finally let go of Ren, who rubbed his jaw dramatically. "Freedom of speech should be protected in this village," he muttered, but quieter this time. "You keep talking and I'll show you how I protect it," Tsunade warned. Ren gave her a thumbs-up from behind Yugao. Seeing that tensions were finally cooling, Jiraiya sat down too and sighed. "Okay, now that that's over, what was that thing you tried at the end, brat?" he asked Ren, changing the topic. Ren perked up, glad for the subject change. "S-rank wind jutsu," he said casually, dusting himself off. "Still not completely mastered, but the power's decent. That's why I needed to test it." Jiraiya raised an eyebrow. "You tested an S-rank jutsu, on Tsunade?" "She started it," Ren said quickly, pointing. Tsunade glared again. "He overreacted!" Shizune sighed. "You both overreacted." Ren and Tsunade simultaneously crossed their arms and looked away from each other. Jiraiya shook his head, thinking to himslef, 'I don't think Tsunade figured out that the brat is Sayaka's son, otherwise the scenario would've been a whole lot fun.' Utakata sighed, and looked toward the sky. "I'm taking a long vacation when we get back." ~~~ After a while, when things cooled down, the group naturally split into two sides, on one side was Team 1, lounging beneath the trees, and on the other were the two sannin and Shizune, seated a little away and discussing things amongst themselves. Just then, a flicker of movement came from above, and Kakashi dropped down from one of the higher branches, landing smoothly with his usual composed air, only to glance around in confusion since he was absent when everything happened, because he had left to brood after his diagnoses. Tsunade frowned when she noticed him. "You're in ANBU now, Kakashi. Stop looking pathetic. Where did you go?" Before he could answer, Ren's voice from the other group muttered just loud enough to carry, "Probably off somewhere to think about his life choices." Tsunade scoffed immediately. "Like that's going to help his case." Kakashi's visible eye blinked slowly as he processed the unprovoked tag-team insult. He looked at Jiraiya for help, who only sighed and shook his head slightly. 'Kakashi suffered a lot on this mission,' Jiraiya thought. A few hours later, once everyone had properly rested and prepared for departure, the group began organizing into formation for the return trip. The jonin who had completed the mission were packing up supplies, while the genin had finally gotten some real food and a few moments of rest. Kakashi looked slightly more composed after brooding in the trees, or perhaps he had just accepted that this mission wasn't going to help his mental state. Tsunade and Shizune were going to separate from the main group and return via a different route, while Jiraiya had appointed himself as the return escort for the mission squad. Officially, it was due to the threat of Orochimaru lingering in the region. Unofficially? 'I'm not missing the old man's face when I tell him what happened on this mission,' Jiraiya smirked internally. Once everything was settled, Tsunade finished her quiet conversation with Jiraiya and turned back toward Team 1. She walked straight toward Ren, stopping only when they were face to face. Ren tensed just slightly, but she didn't raise a fist, instead, she raised a hand and placed it on his head, violently ruffling his hair. "If you can figure out what technique I used during our fight the next time we meet," she said casually, "I'll give you a gift." Ren paused, processing her words. Then he gave a casual nod. Everyone nearby was mildly stunned by the cordial scene, especially after what had happened earlier. But of course, it didn't end there. Just as she was withdrawing her hand, Tsunade's fingers twitched, and with a sharp flick aimed at his forehead, she sent a focused gust of wind chakra to strike him. Except Ren had anticipated a trick. His body arched back instantly, the wind brushing just inches above his face. Still bent backward, he looked up at her and grinned like the little demon he was. He raised his middle finger in a flicking motion and declared loud enough for everyone to hear, "You missed, unmarried elder." The emphasis he put on the last two words echoed across the silent clearing. Then he flickered away. Everyone froze, processing what just happened. A vein throbbed on Tsunade's temple. "DAMNED BRAT!" she roared, her voice cracking like thunder as she lunged forward, only to be held back by a frantic Shizune hanging onto her arm like her life depended on it. "Lady Tsunade, please! Don't start an international crisis!" Meanwhile, Ren had already regrouped with Team 1, calm and composed like nothing had happened. Yugao looked at him with equal parts admiration and terror. Hitoshi simply nodded once, silently impressed. Jiraiya exhaled long and hard. Then he turned to the rest of the group and clapped his hands. "Alright. Let's go before she actually kills someone." Just like that, with one final look at the still-fuming Tsunade, Jiraiya led the group back toward Konoha. ~~~ It took three days for the entire group to return to Konoha. On the way, no one dared approach the convoy, just the presence of Jiraiya was enough to serve as a deterrent. The only true threat, Orochimaru, never appeared again. Whether he was watching or had simply lost interest, none could say. When the group finally reached the village gates, the guards visibly straightened upon recognizing one of the Legendary Sannin leading the mission. "Jiraiya-sama!" they greeted loudly. Jiraiya gave them a casual nod and continued walking, not slowing down. Once inside the gates, he stopped and turned to face the team. "You were the lead, right?" he asked, looking at Utakata. The man nodded. Jiraiya then addressed the rest of the returning jonin. "Alright, all of you are dismissed until further orders." With a collective acknowledgment, the jonin flickered away one by one. Jiraiya then turned to Team 1. "Kakashi will handle the mission report. You three are dismissed." Before they could leave, Utakata added, "You have another week of free training. We'll resume team activities after that." Ren, Yugao, and Hitoshi nodded and vanished. As for the remaining trio, Jiraiya, Utakata, and Kakashi, they made their way toward the Hokage's office. Or rather, Jiraiya took a more familiar route. He jumped up to the building's upper floors and cracked open a window to the office, slipping in with all the subtlety of a child sneaking in past curfew. He looked down and beckoned for the other two to follow. Utakata sighed and flickered up beside him. Kakashi followed without comment. Inside the office, Hiruzen was in the middle of a meeting with his advisors, Koharu, Homura, and Danzo. However, none of them looked surprised by Jiraiya's entrance. "I'll ban you from the hot springs next time you enter through the window," Hiruzen muttered dryly, not even looking up. Utakata and Kakashi entered through the same route and gave a respectful bow. Jiraiya just waved lazily. "How did your mission go?" Hiruzen asked, turning to Utakata. "We destroyed two of the bases, but found no trace of Orochimaru in either. The research materials were minimal, but we collected everything and sealed them here," Utakata replied, handing over a scroll. Hiruzen pocketed it without comment. Utakata continued, "While my team didn't encounter Orochimaru directly, my genin team did." That drew everyone's attention. All four elders narrowed their eyes. "Any casualties?" Hiruzen asked sharply, looking at Kakashi. Before he could answer, Jiraiya cut in with a smirk. "Yeah. One. Him." He jabbed a thumb toward Kakashi, barely holding back his laughter. A dumbfounded silence followed. Hiruzen raised an eyebrow. "Explain. Properly." And so Jiraiya did. He recounted the story of the Kakashi auction, the nicknames, the fake bids, and Ren's spectacularly irreverent performance. He told it all in full detail, clearly savoring the delivery. He had gotten all the details from team 1 for this purpose alone. By the end, even Homura and Koharu were blinking in confusion, while Danzo simply frowned. Hiruzen pinched the bridge of his nose. "It was a clever way to stall Orochimaru, but inform them not to engage in such tactics again. Especially not against S-rank threats." He turned to Utakata, who nodded with a neutral expression, but was clearly already planning that talk. Koharu scowled. "You're laughing, but do you not see the problem? The boy so easily came up with a plan to sell his superior. A comrade." Before Hiruzen could respond, Danzo spoke. "Hmph. That was good thinking. He knew he couldn't win, so he stalled until someone stronger could arrive." He stood up as he moved towards the door, "I want him. I need someone like him in Root." "You can't have him, Danzo," Hiruzen replied immediately with practiced ease. Danzo turned at the door. "You'll regret this, Hiruzen." With that, he left after slamming the door. Koharu stood as well, still frowning. "It still doesn't explain the casual disregard he showed." Hiruzen finally turned to Kakashi. "At any point, did you feel Ren was seriously interested in giving you away?" Kakashi considered the question. He remembered Ren's showmanship, the way he'd built up the act, the fake seriousness, the smirking jabs, and that confident posture. He shook his head. "No." Satisfied, Hiruzen gave Koharu a look. She exhaled through her nose and left. Homura stood and followed, but not before dropping one last line. "If you're thinking of lifting the observation plan on the boy, don't. Not yet." Then they were gone, leaving just the Hokage, Jiraiya, Utakata, and Kakashi. Once the room was quiet, Jiraiya took a seat and crossed one leg over the other. "Well, there's still something you haven't heard, and it's good those other geezers left." He went on to describe the scene between Tsunade and Ren, from the full-blown battle to the parting insult and Tsunade's failed forehead flic and the middle finger.. He even mimicked Ren's voice at the end: "You missed, unmarried elder." Hiruzen stared at him blankly, clearly unsure whether to laugh or sigh in exasperation. "Did Tsunade figure out who he was?" Hiruzen asked, rubbing his temple. Jiraiya's grin widened. "Not a clue. If she had, it would've been even funnier." They discussed a few more details about the mission before Hiruzen leaned back with a sigh. "Keep your team in the village for now," he told Utakata. "It hasn't even been a year, and they've already been through enough chaos to last five." Utakata nodded in agreement. Eventually, the meeting ended and they all left the office. ~~~ Meanwhile, back at home, Ren had already taken a long bath and crashed into bed. His body was sore, but his mind was active. As he lay there, he closed his eyes and muttered quietly, before sleeping. "I'll definitely figure out what that technique was." ~~~ {Alt Title 2:- Trauma Tuesdays Featuring Kakashi and the Brats} {Arc Title:- Sannin Shenanigans} ~~~~~ {2900 Words. Damn, I'm good. Well, read the next Chapter, it will be announcement.}