Chapter 84: Fragile Forgiveness and the Weight of Desire

Chapter 84: Chapter 84: Fragile Forgiveness and the Weight of Desire When we finally pulled apart, he whispered against my mouth, his voice still shaky, "Babe... that really hurt." My chest caved in at those words. I pressed my forehead to his, stroking the back of his neck, grounding him. "I’m sorry... I’m so, so sorry," I whispered repeatedly, as if I said it enough, it would undo the damage. He let out a shaky sigh, resting against me, and though the anger hadn’t fully left, I felt the fragile thread of forgiveness weaving itself back between us. "I love you, Zayn," I whispered, my voice trembling. He nodded slowly, eyes softening just enough. "I know," he murmured. I couldn’t bring myself to touch him again. My hands hovered awkwardly before I finally said, "We should... take our baths." He gave a small, tired smile and nodded. We showered separately, the warm water washing away the tension, though the memory of the earlier moments still lingered. When we returned to the room, I found myself apologizing again, even though I could see in his eyes that he had already forgiving me, that faint, gentle smile still lingering on his lips. I couldn’t help myself, I had to apologize. Even though he said it was fine, the weight of guilt pressed down on me. I quickly dressed, trying to regain some composure. Zayn told me to go downstairs first; he wanted to make a call to his restaurant. I nodded and left the room, trying to breathe, trying to calm my racing heart. Back then, I had been scared... terrified, even. That fear returned now, lingering in my chest like a shadow. When I reached downstairs, I only saw Chrisly, hunched over his phone. But the moment he spotted me, he dropped it, concern instantly written across his face. Without a word, I rushed into his arms and broke down. Chrisly held me tight, murmuring, "Easy... what’s wrong?" Tears streamed down my face as I let out the fear, the guilt, and the panic that had been bottled up. Seeing Zayn hurt like that... it had shaken me to my core. Chrisly’s arms wrapped around me tighter as I trembled against him. "Shhh... breathe, bro. It’s okay. Tell me what happened." I shook my head, hiccupping between words. "It’s Zayn... I... I hurt him... I scared him... Chrisly, I... I didn’t mean to, but I..." Chrisly leaned back slightly, concern etched on his face. "Wait... what do you mean you hurt him? Was it...?" I swallowed hard, my throat tight. "It... it was while we were... intimate. I got carried away, too rough... and he got hurt. I think I might have ruined everything." Chrisly’s brows furrowed, his voice low but steady. "Did you apologize after?" I nodded, my chest tightening. "Yes, I did... over and over. Even in the shower, even when he said it was fine. But I saw it in his eyes, Chris... he was still in pain. He smiled, but it wasn’t the same smile. It... it killed me." Chrisly’s eyes softened, and he put a hand on my shoulder. "Evric... look at me. Did you mean to hurt him?" "No," I whispered, shaking my head. "I never would. I just... lost control. I don’t know if he can forgive me this time." Chrisly shook his head gently. "Hey... listen. Zayn cares about you, right? He knows you love him. Mistakes happen, especially when emotions are raw. He might be hurt now, but that doesn’t mean you ruined everything." I let out a shaky breath, trying to believe him. "I hope... I just... I hate seeing him like that. It scared me so much." Chrisly let out a long breath, gripping my shoulder a little firmer. "Evric, listen. The fact that you see his pain means you didn’t ruin everything. If you were careless, if you didn’t care, then maybe. But you care too damn much to lose him over this." I dragged my palms down my face, whispering, "I can’t shake the look he gave me... like I scared him. I’ve never seen him like that. I love him, Chris... and for a moment, I thought I was going to lose him right there." Chrisly’s tone softened. "Then don’t run from it. Don’t hide behind fear. He needs to see that you’re not just sorry, but that you’re willing to change, to slow down, to listen to him next time. Zayn’s tough, but he’s also fragile in ways he doesn’t show. Protect that, Evric." I clenched my jaw, the ache in my chest deepening. "I swear I’ll never let it get that far again. I can’t... I can’t hurt him like that ever again." Chrisly nodded slowly. "Good. Then when he comes down... don’t just say you’re sorry. Show him you’re still his safe place." At that moment, the door creaked, and Zayn appeared at the top of the stairs, his shirt slightly damp from the shower, hair tousled, his eyes meeting mine. For a heartbeat, I froze, afraid, nervous, but he gave me a small, faint smile. I swallowed hard. "Babe..." I whispered. Chrisly glanced between us and then stood, clapping my shoulder before excusing himself. "I’ll give you two some space." Zayn stopped in front of me, his damp scent wrapping around me, his eyes locked onto mine. "Evric... you don’t have to keep looking at me like I’m broken." He took a slow step down, letting the distance close. "I’m okay, Evric," he said softly, though I could still see the shadow of pain lingering in his eyes. "I just... needed a minute. I’m fine now." My chest tightened. "You’re not broken. I just... I hate myself for hurting you." "Then stop hating yourself. Just... learn from it. Love me the way I need you to, not just the way you feel in the moment." Relief surged through me, and I stepped forward, my hands slightly trembling. "I’m so sorry, baby. I’ll never... I’ll never let it get that far again. I promise." My hand hovering at his jaw but not daring to touch until he gave me a tiny nod. The contact nearly undid me. "I’ll love you better, Zayn," I whispered, voice breaking. "I swear." He nodded, the tension in his shoulders softening just slightly. "I know," he murmured. "I just... I needed you to understand how it felt. That’s all." I cupped his face gently, pressing my forehead to his. "I understand, Zayn. I feel it too... I’ll be more careful. I love you." His lips quirked in the faintest, tired smile, and he leaned his forehead against mine. "Then prove it. Don’t just say it." I pressed my lips softly to his, nothing rough this time, just a lingering kiss that carried my apology more than words ever could. He kissed me back, slow, cautious... but there was forgiveness in it, fragile but real. "Come on," he murmured, pulling back with a faint smile. "Let’s eat. I’m starving." We walked to the dining room together, and I pulled out his chair before sitting across from him. When the food was served, I noticed the way he moved carefully, lifting the spoon to his mouth like every swallow took effort. "Zayn..." I whispered, watching him wince just slightly as he swallowed. He set the spoon down, meeting my gaze. "Don’t, Evric. It’s nothing." "It’s not nothing.