Chapter 71: Between Fear and Love

Chapter 71: Chapter 71: Between Fear and Love Evric’s POV Zayn woke up sore this morning, but he still had to get ready for work. Tomorrow is my cousin’s wedding, and since he’s handling the food, he doesn’t have the luxury of resting. My driver and I dropped him off at the restaurant, and I just got back now, my mind heavy from everything that happened last night. Last night... I was angry. Angry enough to reach for old habits. I lit a cigarette, and before I knew it, I almost went back to drugs. I had it in my hand, ready, when Nuala caught me. She snatched it away and looked me dead in the eye. "What if Zayn comes down and sees you like this?" she said. "That’ll be the end. You’ll ruin everything you’ve been building with him." She was right. If Zayn had caught me in that moment, he might have walked away for good. For someone like Zayn, calm, disciplined, reserved, he wouldn’t tolerate my weakness. I know it. And the truth is, Nuala saved me last night. Not long after she returned to her room, Zayn came downstairs... To Zayn, it might seem like I’m pressuring him to love me. But it isn’t just pressure. It’s fear. Once I step into the spotlight, start taking interviews, and let the public consume me, I won’t be able to live freely anymore. I won’t be able to show up at his restaurant, so I won’t be able to spend time with him casually. I’ll have to wait for him to come to me. And I’m afraid. I’m afraid that when that happens, Zayn will forget me. That he’ll move on because in his eyes, I’m not serious enough to be loved. Last night, Nuala said something that cut me deep, though she claimed she wasn’t taking sides. She said, "Ever since you’ve been chasing Zayn, you’re the only one jealous. You’re the only one afraid of losing him. But are you sure, Evric? If he sees you with someone else, will he even react? Will he be jealous of losing you?" I laughed, but the truth stung. I know he wouldn’t. When I mentioned Vanya, he acted like he didn’t care. Like he never cares. Because maybe he doesn’t love me. I know I was wrong, approaching him even when I knew he was straight. But if he really wanted to love me, would it take this long? Sometimes, it feels like he just wants to keep me close without giving me his heart. People might say I’m impatient, and maybe they’re right. Because my world is different. I don’t have time. Soon, I won’t be able to move freely, won’t be able to come to him. And if I don’t know his feelings now, I’ll never know. Rogan won’t be silent forever. Sooner or later, he’ll come for Zayn. And when he does, will Zayn give up on me the way Nicki did? Or will he fight for me? I don’t know. Sometimes, Zayn feels like he loves me; sometimes, it feels like he’s just... keeping me around. I gave him everything without him asking. He never begged, never demanded, yet I handed him my heart, my body, my loyalty. And right now, it hurts because I don’t know if I mean anything to him beyond sex. I stood in front of the mirror sometimes, staring at myself. I wondered if I wasn’t attractive enough. Maybe Zayn sees me as something ugly, something dangerous. People compliment me all the time, but to him... maybe I’m just a beast. The truth is, I don’t want sex only. What I want is love. Assurance. I don’t expect him to love me as much as I love him. I just want him to tell me, "I’ve got you." I have less than two weeks. Within that time, if Zayn doesn’t tell me he loves me... then I’ll give up. Because one-sided love is the most painful thing. If we can’t give it equally, then maybe we should let each other go. Nicki is still in the picture. Vanya, too. They’re both distractions, both chasing me while I chase Zayn. And it’s laughable, really, I run after him like a fool while he barely looks back. But I can’t stop. I love Zayn. Even if I have to force him to admit he feels something, I will. I had to meet with Nicki today. We’d planned to work on a project together, and honestly... I didn’t know what to expect. But one thing was certain... Zayn was still the only one in my heart. I went back to my room, changed quickly, and descended to the office. Mr. Karl was already there, and I had just reached my desk when I pulled out my phone. Before diving into work, I texted Zayn. Babe, how’s your day going? He had told me before that he’d mostly just supervise his staff while they handled the heavy tasks, but I knew last night had drained his strength. And even though guilt tugged at me, I couldn’t regret what happened. Zayn was stubborn. If I went soft on him, he would never give me the response I wanted. His reply came in almost instantly. I feel tired, Evric. I smirked and texted back: What’s wrong, are you pregnant? Seconds later, he sent a laughing emoji and replied, Maybe. I grinned at the screen. So, I’m about to be a father? Before I could type another word, his call came in. I picked up, and his laugh rang in my ear. "Yes, you’re about to be a father," he teased. "I want twins," I shot back. He just laughed again. "You’re such a joker, Evric." "Babe, do you want me to come take you to the hospital for a check-up?" I asked, half-serious. "I’m fine. I just need rest." "Okay," I said softly. "I’ll check on you later." Just then, Nicki and his team arrived at the office. I told Zayn I’d call him back once I was free. "I love you," I added before hanging up, knowing well he wouldn’t say it back. As expected, he only laughed and ended the call.