Chapter 26: At the Edge of Silence, I Chose You

Chapter 26: Chapter 26: At the Edge of Silence, I Chose You "What do you mean Nicki is back?" I asked, my voice low but urgent. Chrisly leaned back slightly, watching me closely. "I saw him last night," he said. "At the bar I went to with my friends." I blinked, not sure I heard him right. "You saw him?" "Yeah," he nodded slowly. "Even though I’ve only seen him once in person and in that one picture you showed me, I recognized his face instantly. It was him." He paused for a moment before continuing. "They were sitting in one corner of the bar, having what looked like a celebration. I asked the bartender what was going on. He said the guy in white just came back from abroad, and his friends were throwing him a welcome-back party. That’s how I knew... "Nicki hasn’t been in the country for a while. But now? He’s back." I felt the blood drain from my face. Slowly, I sat straighter in my seat, pressing my back against the chair. I tried to speak, to say something, anything, but nothing came out. My mouth was open, yet my voice was frozen. Chrisly must’ve noticed the look on my face because he leaned forward a little and said gently, "If you’re planning to replace Zayn with Nicki... don’t." Hearing that Nicki was back should have made me happy. It should have sparked something in me, excitement, relief, something. But instead, I felt... nothing. Nothing close to happiness. Still, I couldn’t ignore the pull inside me, I wanted to see him. I needed to see him. Why exactly, I wasn’t sure. I looked at Chris and said quietly, "If he’s back... and he hasn’t tried to reach out to me. Then, I guess I’m not someone he wants to see." Then Chrisly looked at me and said, "What if he does reach out to you? What, then?" I didn’t answer right away. His words echoed in my head like a question I’m avoiding for too long. What, then? Would I run back? Would I pretend the pain never happened? Would I forget how broken I was trying to get over him? I sighed, finally meeting Chrisly’s eyes. "I don’t know... A part of me wants to see him, wants closure. But another part... is scared I might still love him." Chrisly leaned forward, eyes narrowing. "Why? Is it because of Zayn?" I looked away for a second, then nodded slowly. "Yeah... maybe. Zayn’s been good to me. Patient, real, and different. And just when I’m starting to feel something solid with him, Nicki suddenly comes back like a ghost from the past." I let out a breath I didn’t realize I was holding. "I don’t want to confuse old emotions with love. I’m scared that seeing Nicki again will stir up something I thought I buried. And if it does... I don’t know what that means for me and Zayn." Chrisly looked straight at me, his voice firm but not cold. "Why not stay away from Zayn for a while?" I blinked at him. "What do you mean?" He let out a quiet breath. "Just give yourself space to really figure things out. If Nicki reaches out to you, and you see him again and it turns out your feelings for him are completely gone... then fine. You’ll know for sure. And at that point, you can go after Zayn with a clear heart." But don’t use Zayn as a way to get over Nicki. That’s not fair to him." I opened my mouth to talk, but he held up a hand. "If you still want Nicki, even a little, then let Zayn go. But if seeing Nicki proves that your heart no longer beats for him, then you’re free to move on. That’s the only way you’ll know. Don’t string him along while you’re still confused." His words landed hard. Because I knew he was right. And it hurt more because I hadn’t even realized I might be doing exactly that. The conversation with Chrisly went on longer than I expected, and somewhere along the line, he made me realize a few hard truths. He told me I needed to work on myself first before complaining about Zayn before trying to figure out who I wanted or didn’t want. Zayn... he was straight before I met him. But he’s the kind of person who’s willing to bend, maybe even break, for someone he truly cares about. Maybe he’s scared. Maybe he’s still figuring it out. But if I pull him in, make him trust me, be vulnerable with me, start to love me, and then I leave him for someone else, like Nicki... that could destroy him. He might never forgive me. Chrisly was right. I can’t play with someone’s heart when I’m still this unsure of my own. I need to fix that first. As for Nicki... I know he’ll come for me soon. I just don’t know when. If not for anything else, then for the sake of what we used to be for the memories we both carry. After all the conversation ended, just like that, I went back home. On the way, we passed by Zayn’s restaurant. I didn’t stop, I just stared at the building quietly as my driver drove past it. When I got home, I showered and tried to sleep. But Chrisly’s words wouldn’t leave me alone. They kept echoing in my head, over and over, like they were stuck there on purpose. And then it hit me, since the morning I left Zayn’s house, he hasn’t called me. Not even a text. And I haven’t called or texted him either. All day. I picked up my phone. I looked at his name on the screen. I thought maybe I should call him. But... I didn’t. I just kept staring. I set aside all distractions and turned my focus to what I knew best, my work. I reviewed pending tasks, finalized deliverables, and submitted completed projects to clients. Since my love life was a mess and full of confusion, I figured I should put my energy into something I was sure about. I poured myself into productivity, chasing clarity through deadlines and results. By the time I shut down for the day, I was too drained to overthink. I simply lay down and let sleep take me. Just as I was finally drifting into what felt like the first peaceful sleep of the day, my phone rang. At first, I didn’t even want to move. The timing was cruel, right when sleep was ready to take me under. Still, something pushed me. I forced myself up and glanced at the screen. It was Zayn. In an instant, the fog of sleep disappeared. I answered immediately. "Hello?" His voice came through, low and slightly rough, like he hadn’t spoken to anyone all day. "You didn’t call or text me all day," he said quietly. "Why?" I stayed silent. Not because I didn’t have anything to say, just because I didn’t know which truth to pick. "I’m actually outside," he said next. "In front of your house. I’ve been here for a while. But since you’re not saying anything now... I’ll just head back." I sat upright, heart racing. "Wait, Zayn. Don’t go. I’ll come downstairs and give the security an order to let you in." There was a pause. I could hear his hesitation through the silence. "You don’t sound like you want to see me," he said, voice lower now. "So I’ll ask just once... should I stay or leave?" That’s when my voice finally broke through louder, firmer, without doubt. "Please stay, Zayn."