Chapter 24: Life 50, Age 30, Martial Master Level 2

The Cold Mountain Fire was kept in a cave deep below the alchemist’s mountain. The walk there was a somber affair. There were four of us. The three champions and one elder. At the edge of town, near a small path into the forest, our group gathered together in the silence of dawn on the third day after the competition. There were no well-wishers to send us off. There were no sounds of people starting their day. There was only the stillness of death. The previous night, I had said my goodbyes. To my two friends, I was leaving to enter the outer sect. Only I knew what was about to happen. In a day, they would be gone. Perhaps from their perspective, I would be the one who had vanished, having betrayed the sect in my final moments. I didn’t know. Either way, it was still goodbye. The elder who was to guide us looked familiar. I felt like I had seen him before, but I had seen many come and go over the years. I couldn’t be sure. His face was stern, yet at that moment I felt he was closer to a grandfatherly figure. The other two victors of the competition arrived with expressions of pride and expectation. They were eager for what the day would bring. It was their chance to shine. I could not share in the excitement. As the sun crested the horizon, we began to walk into the forest. I felt like I was walking to my death. I was walking to my death. I would not survive this. In a way, I hoped none of the other people of the sect would either. The moment I had that thought, I was racked with a deep pang of guilt. This was the first time I was doing something I felt was morally indefensible. I knew it would not be the last. This kind of thing, it’s the start of a path, not the end. I did not know where that path would lead me. I could only hope that I would not turn into a monster who did whatever I wanted because I could. Still. I was stepping on this path willingly. My current morals would not survive this world. I would inevitably change and compromise, slowly but surely. Better to act deliberately, with a focused, though not clear, conscience. We walked through the forest in a straight line. The path had no bends or turns. As we walked, the trees seemed to move of their own accord. When I saw them out of the corner of my eye, they seemed to be distorting and twisting, but when I focused on them, they were just normal trees. The walk through the forest was not long, maybe half an hour, but when we stepped out from beneath the trees the sun was already high in the sky. The elder didn’t give us time to linger though. He hurried us along the path and into a cave that bore into the mountain’s heart. There were no decorations here. No masonry to make the cave entrance stand out. No guards stationed in front of it. It looked like nothing more than a natural cave you might see in any random mountain. Entering, the elder used his qi to light the way. Everything about the cave looked natural. I wasn’t a geologist, but it seemed like the rock might be limestone or something similar. Water seeped through the top in several places, causing stalactites and stalagmites to form. I was pretty sure that was a sedimentary cave thing but wasn’t sure. It didn’t matter. I was just distracting myself. Our group finally arrived at an underground vault that looked like it belonged in the halls of Moria. It was larger than any cavern I had ever heard of. Massive pillars were spaced around, bearing the weight of the mountain overhead. In the center, rising from a great pit, burned a blue bonfire. As we approached, I felt no change in temperature at all. The raging flames made my brain feel the room should be unbearably hot. With ‘cold’ in the name, I had thought maybe we would be entering an ice cavern. Instead, it felt like the fire was just an illusion. “We are here,” announced the elder. “We will proceed in the order you placed in during the competition. I believe everyone has prepared and knows what to do. If you are unsure, you can ask. Be careful, though. Pull in only as much fire as you can handle. Do not overdo it. When your body is reaching its limit, you will be able to feel it clearly. At that point, do not push. Back away immediately.” I was to go third. I watched as a short girl approached the flames first. I hadn’t paid any attention to her before that moment. Her hair was in a single, long braid down her back. As she stepped towards the fire, her hair seemed to light up in a corona of flames. It looked like she was about to enter hell itself. Her actions were textbook, matching everything I read. She walked within arm’s reach of the flames and held out her hand. Then, she used qi to connect to a small lick of fire on the edges of the bonfire. Using the qi almost like a fishing line, she began to pull flames into her body. The process was slow. After ten minutes she began to sweat. At fifteen minutes her face turned into a grimace. At that moment, she quickly cut off the qi and stepped back. This book's true home is on another platform. Check it out there for the real experience. The girl, looking exhausted from her ordeal, sat down and leaned against one of the room’s many pillars. She closed her eyes in deep meditation. I sat in my small house. The normally drab house seemed to have lost what little color it had. I had made my decision, but that didn’t mean it didn’t affect me. Physically, I had just burned to death. The feeling of flames slowly spreading and growing inside my body. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. The rebirth had affected my memories, compartmentalizing them. The feelings were slightly removed. I could clearly remember the feeling if I focused, but without focusing it almost felt like it happened to someone else. That sense of separation from the event didn’t help. Mentally, I don’t know. I didn’t want to push forward right then. I just wanted... time. Time to decompress. Time to understand myself better. Who I was. Where I was going. I stood up and walked outside. I began just strolling around the houses locked away in this courtyard. The Su Clan. I hated it, but I also didn’t know it. At that moment, my hate felt like an empty thing. Bad things had happened to me here. They would continue to happen here, if not to me, then to someone else. That hatred. I decided to let it go. There was no reason for it anymore. I had my own moral line. It was born of the knowledge and experience of my first life on Earth. I could not let go of my morals—they were a part of me—but I would cross that line in the future. I already had crossed it once. Even if everything was reset, that did not change the fact that it happened. To be able to forgive myself, I had to be willing to forgive this clan. It and the people here are a product of the environment. Just, don’t forget. Never forget, or it will happen again. I needed to be willing to understand them. That was my path forward. I began to really look at my surroundings. The walls surrounding us were stone with some type of red plaster coating on them. In places, the plaster had started to crumble, revealing the bare stone beneath. Looking at the ground, I began to notice ruts had been worn into the cobblestones where feet had tread countless times. Were these only signs of immense age? Was the Su Clan facing hard times and unable to afford maintenance? Or, did it just show how little they cared about the people who lived here? I didn’t know, but the answers could give me some insight into this place. After walking aimlessly for an hour or two, I decided to approach the door of a random house and knock. I had never even thought to try this before. I wonder why? When I lived here, I locked myself away and drove myself near mad with the pressure. Maybe... A young girl opened the door and looked at me like a deer in headlights. She must have been sixteen, but she looked so young in my eyes. “He... Hello?” “Hi,” I said, “I’m Fang. What’s your name?” She quickly closed the door. “Please... please, no.” She was terrified. Terrified by me merely introducing myself. I sighed and returned to my room. I had wanted to let things go here. Leave the past in the past. I felt like someone just slapped my face with how fucked up everything was. I wanted to fix it, to make things better. I couldn’t. Even if I did change something once, it would go right back to how it was before. I could change things then move my reset forward. That might be possible. But I felt like that would just be a bandage on a gaping wound. I returned to my room.