Chapter 118 - True feelings

Words : 1015 Updated : Oct 7th, 2025

Chapter 118: Chapter 118 - True feelings "I don’t think it’s a bad idea. The only thing I want you to keep in mind is how much you are going to disclose to them and to future members of the club." "And also how you will deal with the Church when they complain again. You know that they have their eyes on you." Lillian and Levinna received the news about the club with mixed feelings. Lovecraft sounds more interested, on the other hand. "I think that it’s time already for the people of this nation to learn to live without the System. I think that it’s a great beginning. I’ve been struggling to push that agenda within the government." "Why? People are against it?" "The system is just too convenient. Plus, the so-called Blessed faction has a big presence within the ministry of magic." The conservative nobles who once gathered around the late Duke Addlington formed this new faction, the Blessed Ones, with direct and undisguised support from the Church. That has led to some conflict between the Church and my grandpa, King Halinard. The Church seems to be pushing the narrative that the whole royal line is heretic and must be purged. We might even expect a full civil war in the near future if things keep at the present pace. And with the Church on their side, we might expect the surrounding nations to participate in the uprising. That’s one of the reasons Lovelace has been pushing for the adoption of systemless magic throughout the Wesgothian army. We expected the Church to fight against it, as the abandonment of the system would mean the weakening of their strongest weapon in wars between humans, Excommunication. Excommunication cuts the person’s access to the Adventuring System. Up to this day, when two human states go to war, the nation that is excommunicated immediately loses the war. As the Church controls who is excommunicated, going to war against them was basically suicide. But having magic that doesn’t rely on the system makes the loss of said system less cumbersome. So they don’t want any nation to develop a system that puts the Adventuring System in a secondary position. But, as Lovelace found out, there’s the people’s own sense of convenience to fight against. It’s an uphill battle we have in front of us. "Couldn’t the king just decree it?" "That would risk the wrath of the Blessed faction, which could trigger the uprising earlier than we thought." "Then why don’t you create a club, like me? For mages who want to learn and practice systemless magic, and then you invite only the ones who are trustworthy and inclined to the idea." "Aurea, you are a genius." "Hehe. I know." "The Church will still complain, Lovelace." The conversation had become geared towards me and Lovelace, but Lily got in again. "I know, Lily. But as we aren’t forcing the hand of the Blessed nobles, that’s one less source of conflict." "Mom, if we let the Church tie our hands in every little thing we do, we’ll never be able to do anything." "Your mother is just worried, Aurea. She has the safety of your grandparents in mind, and this whole family, to be honest." "I agree with Levy, Aurea. Your mother’s worries aren’t unwarranted. If I’m honest with myself, I’m only thinking about all this because this land and people are important to you." "I know, Levy, Lovelace. I know. Though, to be honest, I don’t feel any ties to this land and people. I mean, I love my mothers and also both grandpa and grandma. But for the rest... I feel like a foreigner here. I feel that I’ll never really belong." "Aurea..." "It’s true. I have ideas and ideals, ethics and morals, that don’t match the ones of the majority of people who live in this kingdom. The exceptions are very few and far between." I take a pause to catch my breath as I try to put in order all that I’ve been feeling and thinking about for some time. "It’s been almost five years since we came to this land. Besides Levy, Halinard, and Thieda, who are family, I made only four friends. All of them are my classmates. Besides those four, I’m at most someone to take advantage of by sucking up to me when I’m not outright rejected." "Aurea... I’m sorry. I didn’t know you felt this way." Mom hurries up and sits at my side on the sofa, holding me in her arms. Only now do I notice that I was already crying. "Mom... If it wasn’t for the fact that my own actions impact the family, I would ask for us to go back to the Barrens and live with the beastkin. I’m tired of this place already. I don’t want to be a part of it." That’s it. I said it. I hate it here. I hate this kingdom, the Church, the petty nobles, and all the lame excuses to avoid facing the truth of this world. I don’t want to be a princess anymore. I hate it. Why can’t my parents and grandparents be just normal people? "Do you really want to go, Aurea?" Good question. Do I? Yesn’t. I want to, but I won’t ever abandon my family. And if my gramps, the King, is about to face a civil war partly triggered by my behavior, I won’t turn my back on him. I mean, I know that wars don’t happen because of the behavior of teenagers, but my and my mother’s presence has had an impact on the way the Church and the conservative nobles have reacted. So, even if I don’t feel any sense of responsibility about the people of this land, I feel that I’m responsible for the consequences of my actions, so this upcoming war is mine as well. Therefore, I’ll own it. "In my heart, I want to. But I know that I shouldn’t. I won’t abandon my family. But that is the line I draw of where my responsibility lies."

Chapter 118 - True feelings

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