Chapter 62: I Can Change It

Xin Yu rubbed his head, a slight headache setting in as he looked at Yae Sakura, whom he had knocked unconscious. What a mess! He had clearly acted out of good intentions, wanting to let this exhausted miko relive some beautiful past memories in her sleep. Instead, it had only intensified her determination to seek death, to the point where she even seemed on the verge of a mental breakdown. Why did it feel like the dream had been laced with something chilling? Xin Yu found it hard to understand. Could a beautiful dream really push someone to this state? He looked at the unconscious Yae Sakura, then tried to let his own spirit sink, to immerse himself in the kind of beautiful dream his Void power could construct. In his dream... Xin Yu saw nothing. It was then he realized: other people's happiness was supported by their past memories. It was because they had these memories as a foundation that, after experiencing all sorts of pain and torment, they could weave the most suitable and blissful dreams for themselves in their sleep. But Xin Yu was different. He knew of happiness, but he possessed no memories of having experienced it. So, he didn't understand what happiness truly was, or what kind of happiness was worth losing oneself in. He had certainly been happy when spending time with his apprentice, but that didn't seem to be the happiness. Being with Mobius had brought an inexplicable sense of peace, but he knew she wouldn't halt her journey for him, so he would also choose to let go. That wasn't happiness either. Saving others also brought him joy and delight, but that was merely to fill the void in his own heart; it didn't seem to count as profound happiness. So, what should true happiness feel like? Was it embracing one's family and being with them forever? But it seemed he had no family. What about a lover, then? As Xin Yu pondered this, one female figure after another appeared in his dream: the lively and adorable Kiana, the intelligent and gentle Raiden Mei, the silent Bronya, the bewitching Mobius... In the dream, he saw these women, smiling at him, opening their arms to him, speaking of love... Everything before Xin Yu collapsed again, dissolving into nothingness. Alright, he had to admit, it felt far too fake. He couldn't even deceive himself. Hadn't Mobius confessed to him before? Xin Yu knew that Mobius's "love" for him stemmed from her gratitude for his salvation and her reliance on him, as well as an appreciation for him as a special individual capable of promoting human evolution. He could see it clearly, because the Mobius of the future had no love in her eyes when she looked at him—no genuine, fervent, discernible love. Moreover, Xin Yu had never forgotten the main theme of this world: it was a world where heterosexual relationships rarely had happy endings, and same-sex love was the true path. In this world, true love was more likely to blossom between women, especially among the important characters. Could he not even conjure a beautiful dream where someone loved him? Xin Yu opened his eyes, returning to reality from that meaningless, void-like dream. Looking at the unconscious Yae Sakura, a trace of envy flickered in his eyes. How nice, he thought, at least she can have beautiful dreams when she sleeps. He needed to stop thinking about his own trivial matters and figure out how to clean up the mess he'd made. "What should I do? It feels like she's developed withdrawal symptoms; the moment she regains consciousness, she can't help but want to return to that beautiful, warm dreamscape... Modifying memories is possible, but it's an extremely delicate operation. With my abilities, it could easily lead to severe consequences. It's too dangerous." Xin Yu pondered for a moment. Maybe he should just take a "regret pill" and rewind the timeline by a few hours. No one else in this world could regret, no one could alter the mistakes of the past, but he could! No, no, even if he changed it, the fundamental problem would remain unsolved. This miko's desire for death was too urgent. It seemed there was nothing left in this world that could give her a reason to keep living. As for why Xin Yu didn't just give up on her and let her truly die? He didn't want to see a life vanish before his eyes like that. Perhaps his helping hand would only make her continue to struggle in this painful world; perhaps letting go would be the best release for her. But Xin Yu never considered himself a good person. The reason he saved others, the reason he liked seeing others happy, was entirely to satisfy the needs of his own heart—a purely selfish desire. He recognized this clearly, so he wouldn't let go. Be it curses or hatred, once dead, there was nothing left. Only by living could one try to overcome past sorrows. Only by living and experiencing more of the future could one crush the immense weight of the past. "So, wake up, Miss Miko." This time, Yae Sakura's sleep was very peaceful, with neither nightmares nor beautiful dreams. When she awoke and saw the young man before her, Yae Sakura opened her mouth, seemingly wanting to say something more. But seeing him shake his head directly, her expression dimmed, and she ultimately closed her mouth. "...Do you want to hear my story?" Yae Sakura thought that if she could recount her past experiences and convey to him just how weary she was, how disconnected she felt from this era, he might understand. Perhaps he might even allow her to sink into an eternal, beautiful dream. "Alright." How could Xin Yu not understand her story? But at this moment, she also needed a listener. Yae Sakura began to tell her tale of the past. The story was neither long nor short. It told of an ignorant village 500 years ago, which, in exchange for favorable weather, began to commit fanatical acts, even sacrificing the miko's younger sister to their god. The miko, who had believed in the god, began to doubt its existence. She lived in regret and pain for not being able to save her sister, and in doubt and hatred towards the god, until she met a woman drifting down the river. That woman, named Kallen, spent a relatively peaceful time with the miko. Perhaps they had already developed feelings for each other. But the ignorant villagers wanted to sacrifice this obvious outsider. And the miko who defied the gods, perhaps bewitched, opened a sealed black box, releasing the monster within. In the end, those villagers, even the miko's own father, were killed by her own hands. By then, the miko's heart was completely possessed by that monster, her hatred for the village reaching its peak, wanting to utterly destroy it. And that was when the nun stood up. A battle ensued, a life-and-death struggle. The miko, along with the monster, was sealed back into the black box. Within the seal, the miko's spirit and will fought against the monster's for a full 500 years. Five hundred years. A whole five hundred years. The miko no longer possessed the firm will she had at the beginning. She was long exhausted, her spirit already riddled with countless wounds. "There's no longer any need for me to live. I destroyed my former home, even killed my own father. The one I loved, and those who loved me, died 500 years ago." "Tell me, why should I go on living?" Xin Yu gazed into those empty eyes, and then a smile spread across the young man's face. "I understand. I will twist your fate and rewrite that past filled with sorrow." "...What are you saying?" "Five hundred years ago, right? Don't you underestimate me, a transmigrator! A mere five hundred years!" "Let's reverse the entire board!" The second hand, which had been ticking forward, suddenly stopped. Then, it began to move counter-clockwise, faster and faster, until even the minute and hour hands started to spin backward at high speed. Until time arrived at 500 years ago. "This is the true power of time travel! I'm truly... Ugh! Damn it... Bleargh! At least let me finish my line! Ugh! So much for staying cool for more than three seconds... Bleargh!" The young man knelt on the ground and began to vomit again.