Chapter 117 - 117 - Cannot Be Directly Gazed Upon

Words : 1139 Updated : Oct 5th, 2025

Cecilia didn't know what was truly wrong with her. While she was engrossed in her struggle against Otto, busy splitting off those willing to leave Schicksal with her, whenever night descended, Cecilia would find herself reminiscing about the time she spent with Siegfried. But when these memories reflected upon reality, when the person in those recollections would never again be by her side, the sorrow and emptiness in her heart would surge like a violent tide. And at such times, Cecilia would inexplicably recall this person named Xin Yu. His appearance wasn't particularly striking, yet his presence was so potent that a single glance made him unforgettable. Cecilia wasn't sure what kind of feelings she harbored for him. She only knew that when she recalled him, the sensations of emptiness and loneliness in her heart would be soothed, and her previously somewhat unstable emotions would settle. She noticed this unusual state she was in, suspecting she might have been beguiled or charmed by some ability of his. So, Cecilia constantly tried various methods, doing everything she could to stop herself from reminiscing about the past, to prevent herself from focusing on those thoughts, and to channel all her attention into her work. But it was all for naught. When she occasionally managed to divert her attention for a moment from her busy official duties, her mind would inexplicably drift back to Siegfried, and inexplicably recall that person who had suddenly appeared in the guise of a young man. At that moment, an immense fear arose in Cecilia's heart. She worried that the image of the man named Siegfried in her mind would be utterly replaced, completely substituted. So, she tried everything, even resorting to some rather extreme psychiatric treatments, desperate for her mind to return to normal. Yet, as this daily increasing bewilderment and fear continued to grow, the young man's face in Cecilia's memory became ever clearer. He even underwent some vague transformations within her memory: a halo materialized above his head, and behind him, three prismatic wings, resembling a clock's hour, minute, and second hands, emerged. And when that impression became completely distinct, it was as if he had come alive within her memory. That impression, which originally existed only in memory, stirred to life, appearing clearly before her, sharply reflected in her pupils. Cecilia could only stare blankly at him then. And that image, which had somehow stepped into reality, actually set about helping her organize the scattered documents on her desk, brewed her a cup of calming tea, heated up her cold meal, and even tidied up her somewhat messy house. That god-like, sacred impression acted like an ordinary person, his hand taking up a damp cloth, cleaning just as a normal person would. After he finished cleaning, he brought in the sun-dried quilt and pillow from outside and made them up for her. He, no, He, finally smiled gently and said to her, "Don't be under too much stress. Remember to eat on time and rest well. Your daughter is still waiting for your care. If you need help, it's alright, you can contact me anytime." "Good morning, good afternoon, and good night." That image, which seemed to have solidified into reality, dissipated in an instant. Cecilia's eyes snapped open; she sat up straight, realizing she had unknowingly fallen asleep, slumped over her desk. But the neatly stacked documents on the desk, the still-steaming tea, the microwave dinging as it finished heating her meal, and the clearly tidied surroundings... All these changes told Cecilia that what had just transpired was not merely a dream. From that day forward, Cecilia no longer felt her past fear and bewilderment. Instead, she truly focused all her attention on the matters at hand. She successfully split off a part of Schicksal and established her own branch in the Far East—a school, which was also her dream, named St. Freya High School. She still remembered when the academy's construction was fully completed, when she had finally unburdened herself of most of the responsibilities she shouldered, and attended the school's ribbon-cutting ceremony. She saw that sacred figure in the crowd. He was looking at her with a gentle smile, just as in her memory. He clapped along with everyone, encouraging her, acknowledging her efforts. At that moment, an inexplicable sense of fulfillment welled up in her heart, as if everything she had done had received others' approval. Cecilia no longer feared this figure. And now, Cecilia had come here, preparing to take her daughter to live at St. Freya High School. At this moment, when she saw the real Xin Yu again, the sacred figure bearing anomalous manifestations in her memory vanished, replaced by a reflection completely identical to the person before her—seemingly ordinary, yet so utterly unforgettable. He was still so gentle. He didn't become ordinary just because he lost those sacred symbols. On the contrary, when he lost those things, when he seemed more like an ordinary person, he became even more approachable than his sacred image, with less of a sense of distance, making it easier for people to lower their guard, easier to rely on him, to believe in him. And when Cecilia learned that Xin Yu was about to leave, her heart suddenly trembled. A strong sense of reluctance surged forth, compelling her to utter words expressing her wish for him not to depart. How to put it? It was as if, as long as this person was present, no matter what problem she encountered, he could help her solve it. This was an extremely potent sense of security, a sense of security that even her parents couldn't provide. Xin Yu met Cecilia's gaze. He saw in her eyes an inexplicable trust and... faith directed towards him. Xin Yu pondered for a moment and suspected something might have gone awry. Previously, because he had been somewhat worried about Cecilia's situation, he had specifically dispatched a portion of his divine sense, extended from his Nascent Soul, to Cecilia's location. Upon discovering her dire living conditions, he had helped her with some chores and offered some encouraging words. It was highly probable that because of this instance—the contact on a conscious level between a part of his extended Nascent Soul and her—she might have suffered a certain degree of spiritual contamination due to him. This contamination would cause her to involuntarily trust him, to have faith in him, to regard him as the most reassuring and dependable existence. Perhaps, even without contact via the Nascent Soul, simply by her directly gazing upon his existence, she might have suffered a certain degree of contamination. This could be considered, in a sense, a god that cannot be directly gazed upon.

Chapter 117 - 117 - Cannot Be Directly Gazed Upon

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