Chapter 31: Stay Hopeful

Chapter 31: Stay Hopeful Abigail stirred when her alarm went off and she groaned as she curled deeper into the warmth of her blankets. When the alarm kept ringing, she reluctantly opened her eyes slowly and reached for her phone to turn it off. A soft smile stretched across her lips when she saw the title of the reminder. It was: Time To Go Be With Josh Her smile widened as the realization dawned on her— today was the day. She was finally returning to Westend. Finally, she would be close enough to take care of Josh herself. The thought alone was enough to chase away the remnants of sleep. She lay there for a moment, staring at the ceiling, allowing the happiness to settle in her chest. Being near her beautiful little boy again was worth everything— worth enduring Genevieve’s mannerlessness, worth dealing with Ryan’s overbearing presence. Nothing else mattered as long as she could protect her son. With a deep breath, she pushed back the covers and got out of bed. The cool morning air kissed her skin, but she barely noticed. Her gaze drifted toward the mirror, her fingers absently brushing against the smooth surface of the mask that was still covering her face. It was intact. Her smile deepened as she stepped closer to the mirror, tilting her head slightly to inspect it. The mask fit so perfectly it was almost easy to forget it wasn’t her real skin. Dr. Diana had been right. She had been wearing it for the past couple of days now taking it off only for less than ten minutes and it felt natural and very comfortable compared to the others she had been using for years. She needed to master wearing it at all times so that she could fool Ryan and Genevieve long enough until she was able to run away with Josh. Now that she knew Ryan wasn’t truly her father and she could tell something was amiss, she wanted to get Josh and go far away from them. She would figure out what they were hiding from her from a safe distance where she wasn’t being watched like a hawk all the time. She glanced at the clock. 7:52 AM. Her flight was at eleven. She still had some time left. For a moment she contemplated recording her last podcast before her trip, but then decided to quickly freshen up and then tidy up what was left before recording it so that she could leave for the airport the moment she was done recording. With renewed urgency, she headed for the bathroom and quickly freshened up. As she walked out of the bathroom after she was done, she took her cosmetic products along with her so that she could pack them up. In a matter of minutes she finished dressing up and once she was done, she turned toward her suitcase, crouching down to pack what little remained. Her hands moved automatically, neatly folding clothes, tucking away small essentials. As she reached for nightwear on her bed, her eyes fell on Lucy the panda sitting near the corner of her bed and she smiled wistfully, sad that she was going to be keeping it hidden away again. The panda had been her only and best friend in all these years, since she had been unable to have any real friends thanks to the tight surveillance Ryan kept on her, and Genevieve’s endless assignments. Ryan had a driver and a bodyguard take her everywhere she was going and wait until she finished to take her home. It was hard to feel comfortable around others with the knowledge that she was being watched all the time. A sigh escaped her lips as she picked up the stuffed animal, running her fingers over its soft fur. The panda was so feminine and she wondered if she would ever be able to give it to Josh. She had hoped for a daughter, but loved Josh as much as she would have loved any daughter. She wondered briefly if she could give it to Josh as a gift, but shook her head when she remembered how Genevieve’s reaction to the mere sight of it five years ago. The memory was still vivid, and thinking about how Genevieve had thrown it out so carelessly still made her resentful. She wanted to be able to keep it forever with her or Josh, since it was a reminder of her very brief affair with Jamal. Jamal. A deeper sigh followed as she sank onto the bed, the panda resting in her lap. Who really was he? And why was there no trace of him anywhere? She wondered where he was now. If he had moved on. If he had gotten married. If he ever thought about her the way she sometimes— no, she shook her head. There was no point in going down that road. She had tried to find him once, during those lonely nights after she had first moved to Husla, but there had been no trace of him on the social media platforms. There had been no way to track him down to let him know she was pregnant and to see if he could help her escape from Ryan. Maybe that was for the best. It didn’t matter now. She had learned to be strong for herself and she was going to be the one to save herself and her son from Ryan. She didn’t need any knight in shining armor coming to her aid now. The only thing she was still curious about was why he left her the panda, and why she had begun to have those nightmares right after meeting him. Perhaps he was an angel? Her guardian angel? That would explain why she couldn’t find him. Telling herself she didn’t have time for such thoughts, she placed the panda carefully at the bottom of her suitcase and reached for her microphone. One last podcast before she left. She settled into her chair, adjusted the mic, and pressed record. A moment of silence passed before she spoke. "Hi guys! Like I announced the last time, this would be the last episode for a while. So, here we go. Welcome back to another episode of Personal Paradise. I’m Nobody." Nobody was the name she had chosen for herself not only because she wanted to remain anonymous but also because she really had no idea who she was. She wasn’t sure whether she was Abigail or Dawn. Inside she looked like one person, and outside she was a different person. Her life was being controlled and she wasn’t sure yet what she wanted for herself or what she would do with her life if given the freedom. "Let’s talk about the power of hope." Her voice was calm and filled with the quiet strength she had come to embrace over the years. "Hope means different things to different people. Hope could be a person, a place, or a thing. Could even be an animal. Now that almost sounds like we are defining a noun," she added with a giggle. "I like to think of hope as the one thing that keeps us going when everything else around us makes us want to stop and give up. Hope is the voice that whispers, ’Hold on,’ when the world tells you to give up. It’s the light in the distance, the force that pushes us forward even when the road is dark." She paused, inhaling deeply before continuing. "There was a time I thought hope was foolish. A trick our minds played on us to keep us from accepting reality. But I was wrong. Hope is not ignorance. Hope is not weakness. Hope is the courage to believe in something better, even when everything around you says otherwise. Hope is when you look at the picture of a loved one and despite the situation of things you feel like everything would be alright as long as you have that one person in your life. As long as they’re in your corner you can face anything life throws at you. Life is unpredictable. It will knock you down. It will break you. But as long as you hold on to hope, as long as you believe that tomorrow can be different, then you have already won half the battle. I hope you find something to hold on to. I hope you don’t give up. I hope you keep believing that something good will happen, ’cause guess what? It will. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other until then. Until next time, stay hopeful." She exhaled softly, allowing her words to settle before ending the recording. Satisfied, she uploaded it, closed her laptop, and hurried to finish getting ready. The moment she zipped up her luggage bag finally, her phone’s screen lit up. A text. Her heart stilled when she saw it was from the same anonymous number. Her pulse quickened as she picked up the device, her eyes scanning the message. [Why don’t we meet at the airport? If you’re interested text me your flight details and I’ll be waiting when you arrive.] Could she trust this person? Abigail mused. Deciding that she had nothing to lose, she took a deep breath in, then out. And then, without overthinking, she typed out her flight details and hit send. It was time. Without another moment’s hesitation, she grabbed her bags, squared her shoulders, and stepped out the door.