Chapter 13 13: Non Compos Mentis

――Who is that person reflected before me? After finally washing my whole body clean, even if it was only at the surface level, that was the question I found myself asking. Who is it, reflected in my eyes right now? Those dull, green eyes that penetrated right to the core of my soul. His soaked hair, just a bit long for a man and that covered half of the face. That wet, scraggy body beneath it. Is that―a young man who had just woken up from a bad dream? Is that―someone who had just returned home after murdering another young man? Is that―me? What kind of man is 'Enki Valentine'? I think the kind of response received would differ depending on who was asked, but alas, I only had the man in the mirror to prod for answers. That unfamiliar, unknown, unkind man. So, who-- what is he? Is he a lazy kid who yet, for some reason, thinks he's too good for society? Is he a young man within whom ambitions were low, or perhaps he simply hides them well? Is he... someone with blood on his hands, even? At this very moment, the answer to such questions went unspoken. However, it could also be said that some didn't need to be asked for the answer to be known. 'Enki Valentine'. It is the name of a killer―to nobody but myself. After all, that's how it is. A hidden, buried truth, a truth to one person and one person only. And... at that point, could it even be called the truth? If nobody knows the truth――If nobody but 'Enki Valentine' thinks of 'Enki Valentine' as such a thing, then, to the rest of the world, 'Enki Valentine' is no longer that thing. He is a killer, simply, in his own, delusional mind. The murder committed in an Illusory World. It is, thus, an illusion. In the real world, in reality, 'Enki Valentine' is, therefore―― "...Right. It's not like I... did anything wrong..." I washed my hands, my face, and my body, but not because I have sinned. Just... because I was a little dirty. I did not make any excuses. Simply... because only someone who was guilty, would do such a selfish thing. I did not deny my essence. Merely... because only someone who was guilty, would be afraid to know themselves. I did not... regret. Plainly... because only someone who was guilty... would have such a detestable feeling. The verdict was not something that necessitates announcing. And... that judgement was also not something that necessitates reassessing. Because, at the end of the day, who 'Enki Valentine' is, what 'Enki Valentine' is... Is something only he would know. ❖─────☆☆☆☆☆─────❖ Almost two entire days had passed inside the Illusory World, and though the sun had long set when I was last there, the same wasn't true back home. On Earth, what I saw when I peered through the window was the sun, gleaming unnecessarily bright in the sky. Perhaps it was that sight which made me feel as if it was all just a bad dream I had awoken from. Alas, when I stared at the bloodied clothes that adorned my body, I knew it couldn't be. 'I don't know if washing them will be enough... I'll have to burn them.' It would've been nice if I could keep it since the padded outfit was actually a comfortable thing to wear out in the cold, even if it was a bit weighty, but well, I also didn't want to be suspected of something by having blood-soaked clothes. They were unequivocally ruined, just like my purity. 'Though, it's not like that matters much.' Additionally, both swords vanished from my waist, including the Hero's fancy one. Well, some part of me expected not to be able to keep it anyway, so I was only marginally disappointed. Although the day was long, and undeniably taxing on my mind, perhaps as a result of the healing magic cast on me earlier in the day, my body was too invigorated to fall asleep―and that was despite the previous final struggle, leading me to presume that the spell may have persisted within me even after all that time. Maybe some adrenaline also lingered in my blood stream somewhere to keep my mind wide awake. There wasn't the same confusion from being transported to another world all of a sudden, so I suppose that's why I was slightly less tired than at the end of the first day. Well, it was also still bright out, so I didn't feel like going to bed if I could help it. When I roughly sorted everything out, dumping the sullied outfit in a couple plastic bags and changing into some lighter casual clothes after cleansing my body, I flopped down on my bed. I hadn't eaten since breakfast, so I was quite hungry, but for one reason or another, I didn't have the appetite at the moment. "...What do I do now?" I was already home, so was that it? I recalled the Librarian mentioning something yesterday about extracting something from my body, so was there still something I needed to do...? Directly answering my query, that person's voice resounded. [Certainly! Um, that is, if you still want to go through with the termination process... I-if you would like to return to the Library, you can do so at any time by willing it!] For some reason, the word 'termination' stuck out to me rather uncomfortably, even though I recognised it as a more or less ordinary term used in the workforce. '...Well. We have the time, so I might as well hear it out.' Sighing, I closed my eyes; not five seconds later, I opened them to blinding whiteness. "Welcome! I would like to sincerely congratulate you on the Contract completion! So, congratulations, Enki! Like I thought, you really are a marvellous colleague!" This time, the Librarian's voice emanated from a place outside my own mind. Raising my torso from the floor, I turned to that direction, taking in a vast expanse of the pure white library to my right as I did so. Now that I had the clarity to take a better look, I naturally understood several things about this place. First of all, we were on the farthest side of the Library, allowing us to peer down the full length of each of the countless white aisles. Strangely, the bookshelves themselves were all empty, as well as the rest of the Library itself; combined with the utter lack of any other tint or hue anywhere, everything felt just like some sort of unused, unfinished asset that would be used in video game creation. At least, that's the feeling I garnered from it. Other than those endless barren aisles, there were no windows and no lights, so I wasn't exactly sure where all this bright light was coming from. Only, in this reception-like area I appeared in at the 'end' of all the aisles, I spotted an empty white desk, a stack of white stools in the corner, and most curiously, a single white door on the wall to the left. Since I appeared directly inside the Library itself, I briefly wondered whether that door was something that existed purely for cosmetic purposes or if it actually contained something mysterious behind it, but that wasn't something of consequence right now. Finally, I turned to the Librarian herself. Just as I remembered, she really was just a little girl, standing atop one of those white stools behind the desk so that she could see over it. Wearing a pristine white robe that was far too big for her body and a thick, black blindfold going horizontally over both of her eyes, she indeed bore a bizarre appearance, but honestly, that was the least peculiar part about her. Most notably, her wavy hair―which was so long it reached around about where her shins must have been―resembled infinite strands of intricately woven glass, or at least some kind of opaline gemstone; the way it reflected a mystical iridescent radiance was not natural in any sense. Taking in that abnormal appearance for a few moments, beaming at me with a wide smile fitting of a girl the age she seemed, I eventually opened my mouth. "...I'm gonna need you to explain everything to me more clearly." "Certainly! To simplify things, I shall start from the very beginning! Ahem. L-let's not get into the 'why' of your lacking knowledge, and instead focus on filling you in on all the necessary details, shall we!" Saying the first half of that last sentence quietly as she averted her head, evidently chagrined, I decided it would be best to hold my tongue and listen. But, maybe she was a bit more disheartened than I thought. "Truly, I cannot stress enough how conflicted I am that you were somehow not made aware prior to this meeting, and I apologise sincerely...! Um! I do declare, I could have sworn I released an online application form! Oh, I really am dreadful when it comes to that sort of bizarre technology, it isn't anything like magic at all..." "No, it's fine. Can you just... please, summarise things simply?" 'Just get on with it...' Honestly, I couldn't care less about the reason why things ended up this way―the past, and more importantly the situation as it was, wasn't going to change. All I wanted was a clear, concise explanation of what was going on. "Y-yes! Certainly! So, Enki, as for your job position―You are being hired as the Operations Assistant--" "'Operations Assistant'?" In the end, I couldn't last a single sentence before inadvertently cutting in, my eyebrows contorted in pure disbelief. I had, so to speak, countless questions running through my mind. But, after all, the fastest way to answer them was not to ask, so I stopped myself. "No, sorry. Continue." "That's quite alright! Um, as I stated previously, I am the Curator of this Library of Illusory Worlds! The Librarian, I suppose! My role is to oversee the state of all of the Illusory Worlds contained in this Library! Oh, by 'state', I simply mean the balance of World Stability..." The start of the clarification was nice and comprehensible, so far matching what had been explained to me over the past two days. As for the last part, I couldn't help but open my mouth to confirm my understanding. "Before, you said World Stability is directly tied to an Illusory World's existence, right...?" "Certainly, that's correct! All Illusory Worlds need a solid balance of World Stability to thrive, and without it, they will perish." My brows furrowed. 'I see... and what the hell is an Illusory World, exactly?' Despite not asking aloud, the Librarian responded just the same to my query. "An Illusory World is any world that is contained within this Library! That's why it's the Library of Illusory Worlds!" "...Right." That didn't really serve to help my understanding much, but I guess it is what it is. 'No, wait, hold on a second.' This place was a library. A library containing, from the looks of it, countless worlds―Illusory Worlds. Illusory Worlds that contained existences called Protagonists and Antagonists. Then, the true identity of those worlds... "...Aren't they just fictional stories?" In essence, wasn't it just a normal library, then? Well, it obviously wasn't "normal", but you know what I mean. 'Isn't that completely ridiculous?' "It is by no means ridiculous!" "What?" Reflexively I spat that out, my brows creasing to form an even deeper frown. Judging by the twirling around of the Librarian's smile into a likewise lour look, she probably felt similarly contentious. ...Wasn't it ridiculous? "Explain it to me properly, then. Illusory Worlds, Protagonists, Antagonists; what's the deal with-- or rather, what's the connection between those three? And how is it not ridiculous." The instant such a question flowed from my lips, the Librarian's mood visibly soared. Holding a finger up the tip of which failed to poke through the baggy sleeve opening of her robe, she began enthusiastically. "Certainly! Antagonists, you see, are beings who maintain the stability of the Illusory World they reside in! Whenever an Illusory World experiences turmoil that would cause a perturbation of the World Stability, the Antagonist's presence will serve to maintain that balance! Furthermore, if an Antagonist's flame of life would expire and their Illusory World experience great upheaval thereafter, it would proceedingly collapse like a toppled house of cards! Isn't it awful?!" It was basically a reiteration of what had already been said, but to put it simply, the Librarian was claiming that an Antagonist was necessary for an Illusory World to withstand a disturbance in its World Stability. That much, I could understand without trouble. Of course, whether or not it was ridiculous was another question altogether. "Ah! Do bear it in mind―Antagonists are not existences that are necessarily indispensable for a world's continuation! However, if there is no Antagonist in a world that meets a disruption in the balance of its World Stability, it will inevitably crumble!" She said that while carefully enunciating certain words. There was some kind of distinction there, I'm sure, but I was still wrapping my head around the whole thing. Well, with just this much, it wasn't too complicated a premise... "Every Antagonist's existence is thus vital to their individual world, and therefore, they must be protected from danger at all costs! Specifically, from the wretched existences known as 'Protagonists'!" 'Ah. Here we go.' Now came the part I was most bewildered by. "A Protagonist is a being of inverse nature to the Antagonist―rather than maintaining the stability of the Illusory World, they are insatiable parasites that syphon that precious World Stability and selfishly devour it. These existences are all that pose a major threat to Antagonists, but it is for that very reason that they are all the more dangerous. Fundamentally, Protagonists are drawn to the 'defeat' of Antagonists, and subsequently, the annihilation of Illusory Worlds." Without giving me a chance to interject, she continued. "And so. Whether that is intentional behaviour or not. Whether that is conscious behaviour or not." "They are the purest form of evil, and must be eradicated." The Librarian's voice, which had at some point turned strangely low, and her face which ended with a dark expression of extraordinary ire, was one that sent an odd shiver down my spine. To preserve the lives of those invaluable Antagonists. To save the destruction of those innocent Illusory Worlds. To eliminate that blight, that evil, that utter cancer. "――That, in essence, is the role of our Antagonist Protection Service." That's why I was summoned here.