Chapter 105: Lin Fan and the Accursed Spirit Duck of Fate

Chapter 105: Lin Fan and the Accursed Spirit Duck of Fate Lin Fan had barely stepped outside when a scroll landed on his head, tied with what appeared to be... a duck feather? Unraveling it, he read: Congratulations! You have been selected for the Annual Spirit Beast Bond Lottery. Your fate companion will arrive shortly. Please stand still and scream internally. "What does that—" SPLASH From the heavens, a single, glowing spirit duck dive-bombed Lin Fan’s head like a spiritual missile. It squawked, landed in his robes, and vanished... into his body. Like... into his dantian. "NO! NO NO NO!" Lin Fan thrashed on the ground, glowing faintly yellow. Inside his spiritual sea, the duck was now sitting in lotus position, surrounded by golden Qi bubbles and chewing on a phantom rice cake. It looked him dead in the eye. And quacked. Once. Lin Fan collapsed. "WHY IS THIS MY LIFE?!" The old man reappeared, wheezing with laughter. "Lin Fan... you just formed a soul bond with the Heavenly Duck of Serendipitous Misfortune." "That doesn’t even sound real." "Oh it’s real. That duck’s known for its uncanny ability to bring... chaotic fortune. Sometimes people gain enlightenment. Other times, their pants explode." "CAN I UNBOND IT?!" "Absolutely not. It chose you." "...Why?" A flashback played in the duck’s mind. Lin Fan once stole a dumpling from a street vendor.The vendor had a pet duck. Karmic retribution. Suddenly, Lin Fan’s cultivation base surged forward. He glowed. He felt power awaken in his veins. "Wait... am I ascending?!" BOOM His pants exploded. A nearby sect disciple screamed. "Again!?" someone shouted. "Third time this week!" The duck inside his soul realm gave a thumbs-up. (Well, it was holding up a feather, but the energy was there.) That night, Lin Fan dreamt of a golden lake where ducks chanted scriptures. When he woke up, his Qi technique had evolved into: Ninefold Webbed Step: A Duck-Themed Movement Technique. It was fast.It was graceful.It honked every time he landed. Elsewhere, Hei Long stared at the sect bulletin board. WANTED: Duck Whisperer. Side Effects of Spirit Bond include: Sudden quacking Wet footsteps Sudden enlightenment... followed by inexplicable poultry cravings Yinyin leaned over his shoulder. "Do you think it’s real?" Hei Long nodded solemnly. "No one could fake something that cursed." Meanwhile: Lin Fan tried to sneak into a forbidden library. He tiptoed past the guards, activated invisibility Qi, and... Honk. Everyone turned. "IT’S HIM AGAIN!" . . . . The Spirit Realm had calmed. The illusory weddings were temporarily paused (only because Lan Yinyin ran out of ethereal calligraphy paper), and Hei Long was somewhere off training or building more jade-based restraining orders. Meanwhile... Lin Fan sat cross-legged in the middle of a dusty cliffside shrine, surrounded by dozens of scrolls, cracked tablets, forbidden alchemy manuals, and a suspiciously empty chicken coop. "...I have found it," he whispered, wild-eyed. "The Anti-Soul-Bonding Ritual." His eye twitched. "The one thing that can break their fate apart... even destiny will yield before my alchemy-enhanced bachelorhood!" He slammed his hands down on the ancient scroll with newfound confidence. It glowed faintly with a divine hue. Underneath the sacred diagram of the ritual, it read: "Step One: Acquire the tail feather of a Cosmic Chicken. (Warning: Guarded by Sect Legal Division and two Celestial Bureaucrats.)" "...Of course it is." Scene Cut: The Celestial Chicken Sanctuary Nestled within a golden floating fortress, the Cosmic Chicken known as ’Lord Beakulus the Infinite’ strutted with smug importance. Its feathers shimmered with stardust. Its coop had velvet curtains. Its bedding was made of cloud silk. And standing guard in front of its enclosure... Two Sect Lawyers. One was a 9th-tier Legal Adept in full battle robes with courtroom seal insignias glowing on his chest. The other held a quill infused with divine truth ink. "No unauthorized plucking," one of them intoned solemnly. "And no shenanigans." Scene Cut: Lin Fan in Disguise (Again) Lin Fan peeked over a rock, dressed in a burlap sack and wearing a mustache made of straw. He whispered to himself. "Alright. Plan 47. Stealth entry via trash cart diversion." Behind him, a wheeled cart of celestial garbage rolled down the hill... and exploded on impact with the lawyers’ defensive array. One lawyer didn’t flinch. The other summoned a cease-and-desist formation from the air. Lin Fan coughed. "...Plan 48." Plan 48: The Chicken Seduction Technique Lin Fan returned moments later with a large rubber chicken on his head, clucking passionately while throwing rose petals toward Beakulus’ coop. The Cosmic Chicken paused... tilted its head... then launched a divine egg like a cannonball that smashed into Lin Fan’s alchemy pouch and coated him in spiritual yolk. "WHY IS IT HOT?!" "Illegal courtship of a sacred beast," the lawyer muttered, already drafting a citation. Scene Cut: Lin Fan’s Desperate Escape Covered in egg, scrolls stuck to his back, and bruised pride, Lin Fan sprinted down the cliff as warning sirens blared behind him. "NOTE TO SELF," he wheezed. "NO MORE CHICKEN ROMANCE. NO MORE!" A holographic wanted poster began to shimmer in the sky: "WANTED: Lin Fan, for attempted cosmic poultry theft and misuse of courtship rituals." Meanwhile... in the Garden of Petty Triumph Lan Yinyin lounged under a spirit willow tree, sipping tea while watching magical projection recordings of Lin Fan’s failed chicken heist. "...He tried to flirt with it," she said, blinking. "Truly, this man knows no limits." Hei Long looked up from his cultivation scroll and just shook his head. "Let him tire himself out." Behind them, several of Hei Long’s fanatics (code-named: Dark Honey Blossoms) clapped as another illusion replayed Lin Fan getting shot out of the coop by a divine egg missile. . . . . . too, had stayed up late watching the chaos unfold the night before. The city, still reeling from three separate fake weddings, one duel that accidentally summoned a demonic goat, and a spiritual lawsuit written in crayon, was finally starting to calm down. Almost. Because today... Lin Fan was missing. And when Lin Fan was missing, it meant one of three things: He was crying in a cave. He was building a forbidden device with items that should not logically exist together. He had a plan. Unfortunately, it was option three. Lin Fan’s Secret Lab (formerly a teahouse attic) Lin Fan hunched over his table, lit by the flickering glow of spirit candles and poorly concealed resentment. Charts were pinned to the walls: crude drawings of Lan Yinyin with hearts drawn on them, only to be crossed out with angry black X’s. Another chart was titled: Operation: Divorce Beam 2.0 – This Time, With Chicken. "Yes... yes, it will work," Lin Fan muttered, holding up a shimmering vial. "With the tail feather of the Cosmic Chicken, I can separate soul bonds at the spiritual level! That’ll break their connection and make her realize she loves me! Or at least... that he sucks!" A cough echoed behind him. "Still talking to yourself, I see," came the tired voice of the ghost of his ancestor, Old Man Lin. "Old man," Lin Fan snarled, "this is the only way! Don’t you see?! She’s been brainwashed!" "Son, she married him in seven different dimensions. I think at this point it’s less brainwashing and more romantic overachievement." Lin Fan slammed his fists down. "I’ll win her back! Even if it means fighting sect lawyers, cosmic chickens, and the laws of narrative probability!" The ghost sighed. "Heaven help us all." Meanwhile, in the Spirit Courtyard Hei Long sat on a floating jade bench, surrounded by hovering scrolls. He was cultivating while reading five assassination requests, three love letters, and one strongly worded complaint from a monk about spiritual pollution. Lan Yinyin sat across from him, humming softly while painting a miniature version of their wedding... on a peach. "Another illusion wedding?" Hei Long asked, barely looking up. She grinned. "Seventy-third one. This one includes unicorn fireworks. Oh, and a sentient cake." "You’re terrifying." "And yet... you married me." Hei Long chuckled. He didn’t laugh often, but when he did, it was the kind of cold-blooded, smug laughter that made nearby koi fish explode from intimidation. Just then, a disciple rushed in, bowing. "Young Master Hei Long, you have received a legal document. Again." Hei Long caught it midair. It was a crayon-colored scroll that said, "Cease and Divorce Order #24 – By Authority of the Future Husbands of Lan Yinyin" with Lin Fan’s drawing on the back of him stabbing a stick figure labeled "YOU." Hei Long scribbled a reply on a jade talisman: "No." In the Mountains of Bureaucratic Doom Lin Fan stood in line behind 300 cultivators, clutching a chicken egg in one hand and a forged ID in the other. "I seek the tail feather of the Cosmic Chicken," he declared. The sect official, a tired-looking woman with glowing red eyes and 17 stamp seals, peered down at him. "Reason for acquisition?" Lin Fan hesitated. "...For love?" Stamp. Denied. "For vengeance?" Stamp. Denied. "For a spiritual science project?" Stamp. Double denied. In desperation, Lin Fan cried, "It’s for a righteous cause!" The cultivator sighed and pressed a hidden lever. A trapdoor opened under Lin Fan, sending him tumbling into a pit labeled "Delusional Idiots & Failed Romantics." From the pit came a faint "I REGRET NOTHING!" Prince Wuheng’s War Room The prince slammed his fan on the table. "Enough! Phase Three of Operation Petty Thunderstrike shall commence!" A group of sect leaders, each dressed in matching black robes with the words "Anti-Hei Long Coalition" on the back, leaned in. "We’ve already tried poison, slander, and rigging the Spiritual Dating Mirror," one complained. Prince Wuheng grinned darkly. "Now we go psychological. We flood Ocean City with rumors: Hei Long is actually three squirrels in a robe!" "Bold... but why?" "Because squirrels can’t legally marry!" A pause. "Brilliant." Later That Day Lin Fan emerged from the pit of despair with leaves in his hair and chicken scratches on his arms. Literally. One of the rejected cosmic chickens had scratched "SIMP" into his forehead with divine talons. He looked up at the city skyline. "...They may have crushed me, buried me, mocked me, and voted me Most Likely to Die Alone..." "But I’m still Lin Fan... and I have a PLAN."