Chapter 30: Glorious Lies!

Chapter 30 - Glorious Lies![Mask of Phantasm] [A god-forged artifact once worn by the actual God of Mischief, lost to time and stupidity. Grants the wearer the power to shapeshift into any living being they've already laid eyes on.[ [Duration: 5 minutes] [Cooldown: 12 hours] Raedon was sweating like a pig in a sauna. This was his first time activating the damn thing—and he did it in the middle of a full-blown panic attack. Emily's voice had hit his ears like a warhorn. And what did this brilliant mastermind do? Use the mask's power without a single thought in his goblin-sized brain. No plan, no backup, just vibes. Luckily, Emily kept saying "Alex," and his brain latched onto that name like a lifeline. He imagined Alex. He became Alex. If he hadn't, he'd be halfway across the kingdom right now, running bare-assed through a field, hunted down for impersonating the village MILF's beloved son. Even now, he was sure she'd see through him. Any second now, she'd narrow her eyes, gasp, and scream, "That's not my boy, that's a sweaty goblin in a man suit!" But no. She bought it. By some divine miracle—or maybe just her bouncing cleavage distracting even herself—Emily didn't question a thing. And Rae, trembling and soaked, played the role of Alex like he was gunning for an Oscar. Still, the pressure was on. He wasn't out of the woods yet. Oh no. He was in deeper. He raised a trembling hand and gently placed it on Emily's shoulder. Took a breath. Then another. Then maybe a third one for insurance. 'Alright, Rae. Focus. Five minutes. One chance. Don't mess this up. You are Alex now. You are righteous. You are dependable. You are tragically handsome.' "...er..." 'You also possibly need to get the hell out before the real one comes down the stairs.' He gulped again. "I don't hate him, Mom. I just hate that he's treated like a slave. That's all. He's a dumb little creature, sure—but harmless. He couldn't hurt you or Alice even if he tried. Especially not in a... you know, pervy way." Emily's jaw dropped so hard it almost cracked the floor. Was this really her son talking? Her Alex? The boy who used to scream at spiders and report suspicious noises like he was auditioning for royal guard duty? She blinked. Then she literally snapped her fingers next to both ears. Snap! Snap! "I-I can hear it... So it's not my ears acting up. Then... P-Pinch me, Alex. Pinch me now. I need to make sure I'm not dreaming." She leaned in, eyes glazed, like she was about to pass out from sheer disbelief. Raedon, still in disguise and running on pure goblin instinct, arched an eyebrow at her dramatics. But then his eyes fell on her soft, plump lips—shiny from a mix of sweat and her usual obsessive skincare routine. A grin crept across his face. A dangerous, dumb grin. Goblin logic was kicking in. "Sure thing, Mommy," he said smoothly. "As you wish." And then, with the confidence of a man who had no idea how normal people interact, he reached forward... ...and pinched her lower lip. Her actual mouth lip. Then pulled it. Stretched it like a rubber band. Like he was testing the elasticity of her face for science. "Ow! OW! OWWW! That's enough!!" Emily yelped, flailing and grabbing his wrist. She jumped back, bouncing in all the wrong directions, her chest jiggling like twin water balloons in an earthquake. "Is this a dream?" He asked, feigning innocence. Emily shook her head, rubbing her sore lip with a pout. "Damn it, dear son... you almost stole your Mom's lips." Raedon stared. His eyes locked onto her fingers gliding over those plump, glistening lips, and a dark little voice inside his head whispered, 'In no time, I'll have those lips wrapped around—' DING! A bright blue screen popped up in front of his mental eyes like divine censorship. [Side Quest Activated!] [Aged Like Wine!] [Level 1: Rub your divine dong against those luscious lips!] Raedon almost choked. He hadn't even been thinking about quests or the system. But the moment he let his mind wander to unholy fantasies, the system practically threw confetti in his face. Was it... watching him? Cheering him on like a perverted genie? 'Heh heh heh...' He chuckled darkly, goblin brain igniting. [Remaining Time: 3:49 / 5:00] 'Oh no.' Panic hit him like a slap from a divine nun. His time was running out. He wanted to end this charade and bolt out the door before he reverted into a short, wrinkly, goblin-shaped embarrassment. But he couldn't. Once he revert back to goblin, the cool down period is 12 hours. Twelve stupid hours. By that time, he isn't even sure he will be back from the forest. And not mention, to get a chance like this at all, where he and Emily is alone. A steamy, sweat-soaked Emily? Home alone, lip-rubbed, and emotionally confused? Those didn't just grow on trees. He swallowed. "What I was trying to say, Emily..." Raedon began with the righteous air of someone who just made up a lie and now had to defend it like it was holy scripture. "Is that you should treat him like family, alright? He's useful in many ways—" Emily tilted her head, one brow arched. "Such as...?" Her voice was laced with genuine confusion. As far as she was concerned, that little goblin wasn't useful for anything except stinking up the hallway and causing migraines. A vein popped on his forehead. He was about to grumble at being interrupted when a sudden, glorious lie hit him like divine inspiration.