Chapter 89: Will It Ever Be?

Chapter 89: Will It Ever Be? Magnus "So, that’s how you ended up with that bastard..." I don’t even bother to filter myself, the words slipping past my lips sharp and unrestrained. I’m not sure what infuriates me more—the fact that Kaya had already endured so much suffering before she ever crossed paths with that piece of shit, or the fact that he couldn’t end her suffering in the end. Kaya nods—slowly, heavily—each motion steeped in pain I can’t just ignore. I want to know more. I want to understand every scar and every shadow she’s carried. I want to know all of it, even if there’s nothing I can do to erase the memories from her mind. But at the same time... I dread the answer. Because if I hear every detail of what that jackass forced her to endure under his control, I might lose it. I might tear through whatever stands in my way just to rip his head from his shoulders. But we were right, Athan growls in my mind. Windthorne knew exactly who she was—whether on purpose or by chance—and that’s why he kept her so close all these years. Yeah, I reply to my wolf, my brow furrowing. But why? What was his reason? I can’t believe he just wanted a powerful trophy. "So..." Kaya’s voice cuts through my thoughts again, more insistent this time. "So," I echo, momentarily scrambling to recall where our conversation had left off. "You think that’s why you got disconnected from your wolf? Because you were afraid you wouldn’t be able to stop yourself?" "You’ve seen it!" she snaps, but almost instantly recoils, her gaze dropping to the rippling surface of the water. Her voice softens, trembling. "I almost killed Gloria... I was ready to kill you..." I’m torn. On one hand, I want to tell her everything—the truth of who she really is, the reason her wolf is so powerful. But on the other... Do you see what kind of monster you can be? My father’s voice echoes in my head again, like a curse I can’t shake—clinging to me no matter how hard I try to banish it. So, like before, I take the coward’s path. I lie. "The first time you shifted, it was out of necessity. You were always meant to shift, but... everything you endured must have been too much to bear. Your wolf kept suppressing herself—hiding—until she couldn’t anymore." I pause, watching her closely. Kaya still won’t look at me, her eyes fixed on the water, but the faint twitch at the corner of her lips tells me she’s listening. So I press on. "You were never taught how to reach for Rana. You didn’t even know you could. So she stayed silent, only stepping forward when she had no choice. Like when you were cornered by me. Like when you were threatened by Gloria. And... back then, in the Diamond Claw—" "You knew?!" Kaya suddenly bursts out, her silver eyes snapping up to meet mine, blazing with shock and something dangerously close to accusation. For a moment, I am utterly speechless. Those eyes... those fucking glorious eyes. Their brilliance pins me in place, stealing the air from my lungs. I want them—no, I need them—to look only at me. Forever. I clear my throat with a loud cough, shattering the spell she has woven around me. "I told you," I say, forcing a grin, struggling to keep my composure. "I know who you are." A delicate flush blooms across her cheeks, the soft pink spreading like dawn’s first light. Yet she doesn’t look away. Her gaze stays locked on mine, and I find myself drowning in it all over again. Goddess, how I wish I could see her blush like this every single day. I want her to flush for me—for me alone. "Rana is strong," I say at last, and notice the faintest flinch ripple through Kaya. "Dangerously strong. But if you keep pushing her away, you’ll never connect with her. And if that happens... she’ll vanish entirely. Don’t fear her power, Kaya. Embrace it. Let it consume you, then set it free. You have to lose control before you can understand what it means to truly have it. I’ll help you get there." "You... will?" Her lips tremble as the words leave them, like a single drop of dew slipping from the petal of a red rose. Athan purrs in delight at the sight, and I—Goddess help me—feel as though I’m the one on the verge of losing all control. I clear my throat again, steadying my voice into something calmer. "That’s what the Alpha of the pack is supposed to do." But instead of comfort, my words seem to deepen her sorrow. Her frown sharpens, etching a shadow between her silver brows, and the sadness in her eyes pierces deeper than any blade could. "The Alpha needs a Luna," she whispers, her thick eyelashes fluttering like the wings of a restless butterfly. I don’t answer—not for what feels like an eternity. My fingers curl loosely around Kaya’s ankle, gliding over the silken skin as I turn her words over in my mind. Do I need a Luna? No. What I truly need is my mate. I need Kaya. And yet, perhaps she is the only thing in this whole fucking world I cannot have. "Will it be Cecilia, then?" she asks, as if she’s reached into my head and plucked the thought from it. The question nearly makes me drop her ankle. "Will she be your Luna?" "No." I hope my answer is as final as it sounds. I hope she hears the weight in it—how close I am to breaking. No. Cecilia will never be my Luna. If it can’t be Kaya, then it can’t be anyone. I am not like my father. I am not like those who will share their bed with anyone simply to fill it. My fate is fixed. My heart, my soul—there is only one they belong to. And that is exactly what makes it unbearable. Because if I lose her, truly lose her, she will lose me forever, too. "Cecilia left right after Gloria’s punishment," I add, my tone cold despite the inferno raging inside me. "I don’t need a Luna." With that, I help Kaya out of the water, every muscle in my body tightening as I watch the rivulets run down her smooth skin. The droplets glisten like molten silver, tracing the faint scars that mark her, making her beauty all the more striking—like moonlight caressing the surface of a blade. Athan whimpers inside me, clawing at my heart, but I let the agony consume us both—let it gnaw at the edges of my soul, even if it means we’ll rip each other to shreds before it’s over. "Is it better now?" I ask quietly, my gaze falling to her ankle. Kaya’s eyes follow mine, but then I feel it—the weight of her cold, silver glare pinning me in place, daring me to meet it. I don’t look away. I can’t. Seconds stretch like a blade drawn slow, until she finally turns, walking toward the cave’s mouth with steady, measured steps, her head held high as if nothing could touch her. "Will it ever be?" she asks. And fucking hell... I don’t have the answer.