Chapter 76: Why?

Chapter 76: Why? Kaya I am lost. Confused. Terrified. Everything is loud—too loud. The wind screeches, the trees bend like they’re mocking me, and every scent that hits my nose screams danger. The ground pulses beneath my paws, and even the moon above feels foreign and unbelievably cold. Everyone is a threat. That’s all I know. That’s all I’ve ever known. I feel it in my bones. I feel it in my blood. I feel it in every single thing. And the only way to survive is to destroy everything around me. So I lunge at him. At the man standing in front of me. At the scent that both calms and terrifies me because I can’t make sense of it. I don’t want to be near it. I want it gone. I want everything gone. He doesn’t do anything when my body collides with his human form, even as my claws scrape against his chest when we crash to the ground together. I hear his breath knock out of him, and something in me snarls in triumph. But then—he still doesn’t fight back. His arms don’t strike. His fangs don’t show. He doesn’t shift. He just... holds me. And that’s even more terrifying. I leap back, circling him, pacing. Why isn’t he attacking me? His scent surrounds me again—strong, familiar, bitter, and warm all at once. My chest heaves, lungs aching, and I growl, trying to drive it away. But he stands. Bleeding. Breathing. Still not afraid. "Kaya," he says again––quiet and gentle. My ears twitch in recognition at that name. No. That’s not me. That name is dangerous. That name means weakness. That name means I trusted people and got broken. That name is a cage. I snap at him again, and he dodges, but barely. My claws rake across his side, drawing more blood. Why won’t he run? "Please," he says, breathing heavily. "You’re safe. You’re safe now. So stop." Safe? Stop? What does that even mean anymore? The world isn’t safe. Nothing is safe. They chase me. They touch me. They hurt me. He reaches out—and I flinch back, snarling so loudly the birds in the trees scatter. My paws tremble as I prepare to leap again. My instincts scream at me to fight, to kill, to survive. But then he does something I don’t expect. He kneels. Right there. In front of me. His arms drop to his sides, leaving his whole chest exposed. My breath catches. No. No, no, no. That’s not right. That’s not how you win. That’s how you die. His voice is quieter this time. Hoarse. Pleading. Desperate. "Kaya, I know you’re in there. I know you’re scared. I know it hurts. But you’re not alone anymore. And you have to listen. You have to connect. With your wolf. With me ." I freeze. My claws stop twitching. My breath hitches. Something soft—something old—rustles deep in the part of me I’ve buried so far down, I forgot it was ever there. He doesn’t smell like danger. He smells like... Home. My head tilts. My front legs shake. I see him—not as a shape, not as a threat, but as Magnus. Memories slam into me like waves. The rogues. His eyes. The party. The drink. His eyes. The heat. The forest floor. His voice. His lips. His arms around me. His— Goddess. What have I done? My eyes—my wolf’s eyes—snap to his chest, where three shallow claw marks now bleed through his torn shirt. My claw marks. A whimper escapes me, sharp and small. The kind a wounded pup makes. I stumble backward, tail lowered, ears flattened. My breath comes in short, panicked bursts. He said I’m safe now. He said I’m not alone. But I feel so monstrously alone. I don’t want to be this. I don’t want to be a beast. I don’t want to be afraid anymore. I close my eyes. I focus. I breathe through the thick haze of panic and rage, deeper and deeper, until I find the thread of me that’s still there, curled up and shaking in the corner of my mind. Kaya, I whisper to myself. Shift back. Please. Come back. And slowly... painfully... I do. The crack of bone and muscle reshaping slices through the air. My fur recedes, my limbs collapse, but I don’t feel the cold of the earth on my skin. Magnus catches me, embraces me in his hot arms, while his intoxicating scent seeps into my body through every single pore of my skin, soothing all the ache, all the loneliness, all the fear. I want to cling to him, but at the same time, I don’t. Because just like the moment ago, all of a sudden, I feel so damn lonely. "Why?" I whisper, tears rolling down my cheeks as I push him away and kneel back, putting space between us. "Why... are you doing this to me?" The question lands like a bomb, rupturing the fragile, fleeting peace between us. Magnus’s face goes still—his bright amber eyes widen, but they’ve lost that familiar fire that once burned through me. "What...?" I don’t know why, but even the sound of his voice grates against me like sandpaper on a fresh wound. "You keep saving me! You saved me!" The words burst out of me, raw and ragged, a wail more than a sentence. "You took me in—you promised me a new life! Then you kissed me! Just like that, out of nowhere! And then—" My voice cracks. "You pushed me away." Magnus opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. For some reason, I feel a surge of relief—I want to keep speaking. I need to. I need to tear open every wound that’s been festering inside me because I can’t carry it anymore. "Why are you pulling me in, only to push me away?" I stop—pleading silently for an answer, any answer. And for a breathless moment, I think he might give me one. His expression shifts, folding in on itself with something heartbreakingly familiar. He clenches his fists at his sides, eyes narrowing—not with anger, but something deeper. More complex. Not frustration. Something restrained. Heavy. Sad. There’s something behind that gaze. More than pain. More than guilt. More than any of the silence he’s ever given me. But what is it? And when—when will he finally let me see it? "Tell me why, Magnus!" Hot tears burn down my cheeks again, and my voice trembles so violently that I have to pause after every word just to string a coherent sentence together. But I don’t care. I’ll keep asking until I get the answer. Until I bleed. Until I die. Because I have to know. I have to understand why he’s always there for me—why he pulls me in, even when I try to resist. Why every fiber of my being struggles toward him. Why his mere presence feels like gravity. Why he feels like... home. "I am your mate, Kaya." At last, his cold, low voice slices through the flood of my thoughts like a sobering tide. "You are my mate. And I am yours."