Chapter 74 - 63: Heartache

Lin Lishan recalled the shouts of onlookers when her daughter came out today and laughed heartily, "If someone calls you the golden baby in the future, just say you’re mommy’s precious baby. That’s so common! Or maybe a jade doll would work too." Zhou Jiao thought it’s amusing, "Alright, once I’m done with my confinement, I’ll go out with you and dad to hide for a while, let this buzz die down first." Lin Lishan considered seriously, "That could work. Once your dad returns, we’ll see what he says. Then our whole family can go from here to Beijing, and then visit Shanghai. We can also go shopping in Hangzhou and Suzhou. With mom’s rank, I can buy a sleeper berth, though the baby is too young. Not sure if he can be taken out." "Mom, you should ask those doctors when you have time. I really want to go out too, but is your schedule aligned? Plus, the New Year is approaching." Lin Lishan stood up intending to open the boxes, "Precisely because it’s the New Year, I want to leave. By the time you finish your confinement, it won’t be far from the New Year. We can go to Beijing for the New Year, leave for Shanghai after the fifth day. Spend a few days, come back around the tenth, right in time for work. It’s just a worry your dad might not have all that time. We’ll see then, but I really don’t want to stay here to celebrate the New Year with your grandparents." She cut open the boxes with scissors to have a look at what’s inside, which are all milk powder. She purposely bought them at the Friendship Mall, "These boxes are filled with milk powder, some from Friendship Mall, some prepared by your grandmother, others sent by your little aunt. All for Ping’an. Don’t give them away. I’ve specially checked the expiry date." "Inside this fabric bag are five coats, two military coats collected by your little uncle. I’ve also gathered two coats, plus the new military coat mom received is just right for you to wear. There are five in total, just for your family to share. Initially, I wanted to give two coats to your grandpa and uncle, and two to your father-in-law and National Day. But these are too scarce, really hard to collect, so don’t give them to others." "These two boxes contain Ping’an’s cotton padded jackets and trousers, sweaters and pants for when he’s grown up, and clothes for next summer and little pants. He’s too small now to wear the sweaters and pants, made especially bigger. There are also some hats and shoes that your aunt crafted, the padded jackets and trousers are sized for when he’s two years old." Your little aunt works hard as a military doctor, in charge of cotton and fabrics. Hats and shoes were made by your grandmother. I’ve made some that are especially small for him to wear until he turns one. Those sweaters were knitted with the help of some young girls. Luckily, last time when mailing the parcel, your grandmother didn’t let me send too much, otherwise it would have been frustrating. These cannot be given away, they’re all things his elders have given to him." "This carton contains diapers, bottles, and toys bought at Friendship Mall; they’re quite expensive, also don’t give them away." "In this carton are Ah Jiao, red dates, malted milk essence, and some miscellaneous items meant for the confinement period, sugar tickets are included in the pile you just saw, don’t give them away, you keep them for yourself." "There’s some fabric at home that I didn’t bring over; I’ve asked your grandmother to keep them safe. When you return to Beijing, find someone to make them. There are no new styles here, and I’m unsure if they’ll fit you. Wait until you’re back in Beijing, mom will find someone to take you. Here, there are a few sets of female military uniforms and pants, also fabric and rubber shoes for you to share among the two sisters-in-law at home. You don’t wear them; they’re not fashionable, too glaring." "The fabric and cotton in this bag were specifically prepared for your father-in-law and mother-in-law. Not knowing the size, let them make it themselves. Considering this family is unknown to how many children there are, your grandmother prepared a few pieces of fabric, both for boys and girls. I’ve checked a few earlier, but not sure if it’s enough, you also distribute accordingly." "The remaining two boxes were specially filled with alcohol and cigarettes prepared by your grandmother, along with some miscellaneous items. Share a bottle with those Zhang family elders who are worth interacting with; these are rare items." "This red paper is for Ping’an’s celebration after his full month. Your grandmother said not to take them out tomorrow, too eye-catching. All were specially kept and taken out by her. Ping’an is our family’s first great-grandson, so she’s prepared well. Look at the gold bracelet, gold anklet, and this gold chain symbolizing wealth and prosperity; aren’t they beautiful? And here are gold abacuses and such, totaling ten items. Keep them away, don’t let others see. Wear these pairs of watches; they’re expensive. Don’t give them away." Lin Lishan took out a small box to bring to the bedside, intending to show her, but saw her crying dumbly. "Why are you crying, silly girl? This preparation should indeed be done by our maternal family. When you were born and at your first birthday, it was also your grandmother who prepared for them all, kept with your dowry. Don’t cry, you mustn’t cry during the confinement, be obedient." Zhou Jiao took the handkerchief, thinking about the neat stitches in the baby’s cotton clothes and the intentionally exposed threads on the underwear, as well as that pile of small sweaters. She truly resented it; if she hadn’t later analyzed everything with Zhang Guoqing, still shrouded in the old man’s lies, she could imagine how it would break her mother’s heart. "Don’t cry; you mustn’t cry during the confinement. Mom knows you used to blame me, but haven’t you come around now? Mom herself and your two uncles grew up in the homes of locals. I just thought you wouldn’t be bullied at least at your grandparents’ house, sending money and things over regularly was to tell them that even though you don’t have a dad, I don’t have the time to be with you, but I won’t abandon you. Even if knowing that your grandpa is obsessed with money, I thought using money to solve issues wouldn’t be a problem, and your grandma, whom I know is a good mother, capable of protecting you, only then I could rest assured. Who knew they would mistreat you like this. What your grandfather said was true; I was also fostered with locals back then, the locals’ son worked as a service soldier with grandpa; she didn’t dare to offend your grandfather, plus mom was with your big and second uncles, unlike you being bullied alone. That year you called, mom felt uneasy, worried for your safety, so mom called your grandmother. Right after national liberation, many things were happening across the country, and they couldn’t make time. Later, when they were slightly free, your grandmother asked someone to send a message to your grandfather about wanting to bring you back because mom wasn’t around, your grandmother wanted to take care of you by herself. But your grandfather said you’d be alone if mom wasn’t there, his house had four other kids to accompany you, and you were doing fine at home, having your own little companions. Since he didn’t have his youngest son, he wanted to keep you. Your grandmother thought the same, visiting the hospital every few days, with your little aunt being so young, taking care of herself indeed couldn’t care well for you. No mention of it later, after two years, your little aunt turned 18 and thought she could take care of you, so your grandmother wanted to take you over. Your grandfather said you were already in middle school, familiar with the environment, and in a few more years, you could come back for college and go to Beijing. By then, he’d be older and wouldn’t be able to look after you. Look now, who would have known what kind of life you were living? If I had known, I would have crawled back to take you even if I had to. We felt touched positively, thinking about the elders in the countryside living through hard times, sending things to him. Who’d have thought he was this kind of person? Maybe your dad knew all along, or why would he give the wooden box to your grandma, telling her not to inform others about it. Alright, don’t feel sad. Knowing his true nature is a good thing too; you must think about it. If you were with grandmother in Beijing, if someone seized you for threatening your dad, wouldn’t it be worse? Those years I secretly mailed things, fearing another situation that could threaten you and your dad. Now it’s all past, let’s look forward positively. Also, let me secretly tell you a funny secret, you’ll surely find it amusing. Do you know how your grandfather retired?"