Chapter 63 - 52: Mother and Daughter Reunited

Lin Lishan sat down without realizing it as Mother Zhang pulled her along, looking at the daughter in front of her. She moved closer to Zhou Jiao, glanced at her expression, and seeing that her daughter showed no discontent, she moved closer again. Mother Zhang beside her watched Lin Lishan inch forward relentlessly without speaking, then glanced at her son Zhang Guoqing. Zhang Guoqing saw his mother’s expectant eyes and shook his head slightly. He couldn’t interfere; he needed to see what Zhou Jiao thought. Some things aren’t concluded through a few letters or words of analysis; many feelings rely on fate and can’t be forced. He respects his lover’s attitude and feels the pain of her difficulties. In both lives, Zhou Jiao endured hardships and suffered grievances in her childhood, longing for parental love which was an unattainable luxury for her. Earlier, she hadn’t lost hope for her parents; it was only later that she became disheartened. Fatherly and motherly love was too difficult for her to obtain, and she often said she had little fate with her parents and felt abandoned by kin. Lin Lishan mustered courage, extended her trembling hands gently, touching her daughter’s emaciated hand, tears falling drop by drop onto it. Taking a deep breath, she looked up at her, seeing the waxen complexion of her daughter, hiding her heartache, holding back tears as she softly asked, "Jiao Jiao, mom’s Jiao Jiao, you’re so grown up now, and mom hasn’t come to see you, letting you suffer so much. Mom is sorry, all of this is because of mom’s fault, mom shouldn’t have given birth to you, making you live as if you have no mother. Mom was wrong, if your dad saw you struggling like this, he’d be heartbroken. How could I face your dad? Jiao Jiao, you must be angry at mom, right? All of this is mom’s fault, not taking care of you, making you suffer so much at such a young age. How could they treat my daughter like this? They all said you were fine, how is this fine? How can they treat you like this? It’s because mom was foolish, mom was wrong not coming to see you, if mom had come to see you, they wouldn’t have dared to do this. My Jiao Jiao, mom is sorry, mom shouldn’t have listened to your grandfather, everyone in the Old Zhou Family is despicable. Even if you hate mom, mom doesn’t blame you, all this is mom’s fault, it’s my fault as a mother. Why look for your dad? Why bother? Even your only daughter wouldn’t survive. Why didn’t I think of a way to come see you, even a glance would be better than seeing you suffer so much." With that, Lin Lishan lowered her head and cried loudly. Zhou Jiao sighed, dared she hate? Those tears were about to flood the living room. She didn’t know how her mom got through when her dad was rumored to have sacrificed himself, and no wonder she couldn’t raise her. Given this cautious and hesitant nature, who would have known she was actually the mother? Zhou Jiao gently patted Lin Lishan, took the handkerchief Zhang Guoqing handed over, wiped her face, and seeing her with head bowed, still crying, sighed again. Her mother was too straightforward, with rich emotions and so many tears that made her worried she would misunderstand things, "Don’t cry, listen carefully to what I say, I haven’t truly resented you now or before. Other than not coming to see me once, have you deprived me of food or clothes? You gave birth to me and raised me; would I hate you for that? What I suffered wasn’t your doing. You might say if Zhou Family hadn’t raised me it would’ve been better. But things are already as they are, I am married and have children now, let’s look forward positively. Speaking of blaming you, when I was little, before age ten, I was resentful. At the Zhou Family, they said you didn’t want me because I brought my dad bad luck. Even grandparents didn’t refute, I resented you. Without a mother, I didn’t care about food and clothing, but seeing others cuddled by their moms with freedom to act spoiled, I resented you. At that time I truly missed you, it was okay even if I didn’t eat or dress, just being near you. Even if you hated me for making my dad die, I would still obediently follow your words, even if you hit me, I wouldn’t anger you, because I had no relatives left, only you were the closest to me. I lost my dad, leaving only mom. I thought as I grew older, learning more skills, I could find you, telling you I could support myself without needing money from you, I merely wanted to be around you, as I truly had no relatives left, only you. Finally reaching ten, the Zhou Family became intolerable, aside from thinking of you, I saw through their lies. I taught myself many skills like medicine and embroidery secretly, which were ways to earn money. I thought I could find you finally. I set aside shame, pondered daily how to persuade grandpa to let me call you. Finally connecting, I felt ecstatic thinking I’d see you soon, yet you refused on the call, said you couldn’t care for me, asked me to wait and stay obediently. Hearing your cold voice rejecting me, at that time my heart chilled, my body numbed, biting my finger hard, I realized I had only myself to rely on. For six years receiving your letters, I never opened one. They wore new clothes and pants, which I knew were your money, but I didn’t care. I just wanted to learn fast, grow up, leave the Zhou Family. After another two years, reading books and encountering the world, understanding more, calculating years, born in ’40, the dark before dawn, leaving me in hometown was reasonable. But rejecting me at ten, when Jiefang happened, was that forsaking me? Or a hidden difficulty? If I were you, I would do anything to see my child, even in the worst of storms. Yet I found no clear reason. Hate? No, I don’t like resenting; it’s exhausting. I told myself being alone is okay; no worrying for others, facing few concerns. Once grown up, I could decide how to live, nobody cared about me, so I cherished myself. Wedding, marriage came; you didn’t appear, I expected nothing, simply living earnestly. Hearing Brother Xiao Wu’s voice in the delivery room, thinking of my dad, of you, wondering how you felt giving birth to me, why after childbirth, didn’t you think of your only daughter? Even a glimpse would be better than sending things. Thinking years of money sent monthly, hearing you never remarried, having just me. Yet why didn’t you come to see me? Not even once? Even never seeing Lin Family, my dad had some friends, right? Never met them either. Normally these didn’t dawn on me but upon reflection were strange. Later I opened maintained letters, those thirty unopened over six-seven years, perhaps at ten, many things weren’t understood, but now I saw you searching for dad all long, observing varied addresses, dates, realizing even if I’d followed you, couldn’t have wandered along, feeling a bit relieved. To me, even if you never cared, loving my dad was enough. If you’d remarried, any reason no matter how grand, betrayal was betrayal. Caring only for dad felt lighter on my heart. Recently, Brother Xiao Wu went to congratulate grandparents, noticed many abnormalities, forced Lin Family’s few addresses, planned to send back specialties as thanks and tell them to halt future parcels. Some arguments occurred, retrieving Lin Family’s empty envelopes. Reporting back, analyzing diligently, we understood grandparents etc. had reasons when telling me you deserted me. Learning some truth had me feeling constrained lately, vented today, no longer upset. Don’t cry, I truly didn’t resent you, besides birthing me, surviving on your monthly money sent, not searching me, still searching dad, right? Don’t be sad, I don’t blame you, understanding dad’s significance to you, finding him became your sole obsession." Lin Lishan hugged her tightly before she finished speaking, silently weeping, stroking her daughter’s hair. In a moment, she found herself unsure how to express her heartbreak. Tears dripped onto Zhou Jiao’s neck, the warmth tugging at her heart, causing it to ache. Deep inside, she longed for motherly love, otherwise, why would there be sorrow and subtle joy? Whether it’s her, or the original Zhou Jiao, they must choose forgiveness. She hoped her dad returned to a family waiting, trusting instincts her mother cared in her heart.