Chapter 131: A Fortress of Lies and Bad Ideas

Words : 1123 Updated : Oct 9th, 2025

Chapter 131: A Fortress of Lies and Bad Ideas The dust had settled. My new forward base, a glorious monument to my own magnificent impatience, was secure. But it was a fortress built on a knife’s edge, a tiny island of demonic power in a vast, angry ocean of humanity. "This is a problem," I announced to the assembled commanders, my voice a low, dangerous purr that echoed in the pre-dawn gloom. Pixia, my tiny, flying encyclopedia of all things statistical and annoying, zipped anxiously around my head. "My Lord, our successful establishment of a forward operating base has been... noticed," she squeaked. She held up a tiny holographic screen, displaying the chaotic, beautiful mess of the {Laplace} forums. A new thread, posted by the anonymous administrator, was pinned at the very top. [ALERT: Zodiac-Class Demon King ’Saburo’ has initiated a large-scale [Reign] protocol in the Suzu Prefecture. All nearby players are advised to proceed with extreme caution. Or, you know, grab some popcorn.] "So much for a secret invasion," I grumbled. "The entire godsforsaken country knows I’m here now. The vultures will start circling." Yori, my wise old strategist, shuffled forward, his face grim. "The humans in the city hall will be on high alert, my Lord," he said, his voice a dry, reedy whisper. "They will not be baited out again. A direct assault is our only remaining option." "A frontal assault is suicide," I countered, slumping into a hastily conjured throne of black stone. "Their walls are a nightmare of civil engineering, and their leader is a one-man apocalypse with a very pointy stick. We can’t punch our way through that." The silence in the makeshift command tent stretched, thick and heavy with the weight of our impending doom. My commanders, a dysfunctional family of legends, looked at me, waiting for a miracle. Grak the Unbreakable was trying to eat a small, decorative rock from a nearby zen garden. Sarah, my former Demon Queen, was filing her nails with a shard of obsidian, looking bored. This was my brain trust. Then, a new idea, a terrible, beautiful, and profoundly stupid idea, began to bloom in the dark, degenerate corners of my mind. It was a plan born from pure, desperate, gamer logic. "We can’t attack their walls," I mused aloud, a slow, predatory smile touching my lips. "So, we will not attack their walls at all." I stood up, my long, dark coat swishing dramatically. It was all in the hips. "We are going to lie," I announced. "We are going to lie so hard, so beautifully, and so convincingly, that the universe itself will be forced to believe us." I laid out the plan. It was a masterpiece of deception, a symphony of bullshit. "We need to lull them into a false sense of security," I explained. "We need to make them think we are a bunch of disorganized, incompetent morons who stumbled into a victory by sheer, dumb luck." I looked at my assembled forces, at the beautiful, chaotic mess of them. "So, we will give them exactly that." My plan had two phases. Phase one was a grand, theatrical, and utterly convincing disinformation campaign. "Kevin!" I roared. My chuunibyou intern, who was now a surprisingly dapper Vampire Noble named Saburo, snapped to attention, his cape swishing with an enthusiasm that was frankly offensive. "You are now the director of our new propaganda department," I declared. "Your mission is to create the most pathetic, most laughable, most utterly unthreatening invasion footage in the history of the world." Kevin’s eyes lit up with a terrifying, artistic fire. "My Lord! It shall be a masterpiece of tragicomedy! A ballet of beautiful, glorious failure! It will be my magnum opus!" The "filming" of our fake invasion was a beautiful disaster. Grak was our star. He was tasked with charging a small, abandoned barn and "failing" to break it down. BOOM! The ground itself seemed to shatter as he slammed into the wooden wall. The wind shrieked. The barn, which was not supposed to break, exploded into a shower of splinters and terrified, squawking chickens. "CUT!" Kevin shrieked, his director’s beret (which he had apparently just materialized out of pure, concentrated cringe) askew. "Grak, my dear boy, the motivation is all wrong! I need you to feel the existential angst of the wall! You are not just punching wood! You are punching the very concept of your own limitations!" "I AM PUNCHING THE CHICKEN HOUSE," Grak roared back, a confused but happy grin on his brutal face. We spent the next twenty days in this state of profound, artistic misery. We staged fake battles where Orcs tripped over their own feet while trying to look menacing. We recorded goblins trying to have a very serious, very important knife fight with a particularly intimidating scarecrow, and losing. We then had Pixia, grumbling about the ethical implications of data falsification and the sheer, unadulterated stupidity of it all, leak the footage onto the hero forums. The effect was immediate and glorious. "TYRANT OF AETHELBURG’S ARMY IS A JOKE!" the headlines screamed. "FEARED DEMON KING’S FORCES DEFEATED BY A SCARECROW AND SEVERAL ANGRY CHICKENS!" The city of Suzu relaxed. Their patrols grew lax. Their guard was down. They thought we were a joke. They were about to learn that the punchline was a sledgehammer to the face. "Phase two," I announced to my commanders, my voice now a blade of ice. "The real invasion." The plan was simple. It was brutal. It was perfect. "Hibiki!" I commanded. My masochistic tank snapped to attention, a blissful smile on his face. "You are the vanguard. You will lead the charge. You will be loud. You will be obnoxious. You will draw their fire." "It will be my greatest pleasure, my Lord!" he chirped. "Grak, Setanta, you are the hammer. Once Hibiki has their attention, you will break their gate. And their spirits." "I LIKE BREAKING," Grak roared. "Sounds like a proper warm-up," Setanta added with a grin. "Isabelle, Chloe," I commanded, my gaze sweeping over my two top commanders, my two secret lovers. The simmering, homicidal tension between them was a constant, delicious hum in the background of my life. "You two will lead the main force. Once the gate is down, you will secure the city hall. No mistakes. No delays. And try not to kill each other before you get there." The air in the command tent crackled. The disinformation campaign was complete. The trap was set. Now, we just had to wait for them to get stupid. And I had a feeling they wouldn’t disappoint me. The final battle for Suzu was about to begin. And it was going to be a masterpiece.

Chapter 131: A Fortress of Lies and Bad Ideas

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