Chapter 44: Breaking Boundaries

The blue dot on my phone screen might as well be Lilly's heartbeat. I've been staring at it for twenty-three minutes straight, watching it inch across the digital map as she drives to campus. My thumb hovers over the screen, ready to call her at the first sign of deviation from her normal route. I collapse back onto her bed, exhaling only when the dot finally stops moving in the university parking lot. Made it. She made it safely. "I’m being ridiculous," I mutter to the empty room, but I don't put the phone down. Instead, I pull up the location-sharing app again, double-checking that the little blue dot is exactly where it should be. Salem State University, Meier hall, where her first class is held. Right on schedule. My shoulders finally relax as I set the phone on my chest, staring up at the ceiling. The Harris house is painfully quiet without Lilly here. Chris is at school. Victoria and Margaret are both at work, and Rose... well, Rose is gone forever. The thought sends a fresh wave of grief through me, but it's duller now, more of a persistent ache than the sharp agony of those first few days. I roll onto my side, restless without Lilly's presence. My gaze drifts across her perfectly organized bedroom, everything meticulously placed, books arranged by size on the shelf, clothes color-coded in the closet, not a speck of dust anywhere. It's so distinctly Lilly. A sudden thought hits me. When I first met the twins, they had no problem invading my personal space, going through my things without permission. Even going so far as to look in my safe. Yet I've never returned the favor. My eyes shift toward the hallway. Rose's bedroom door has remained closed since that day, a silent memorial that everyone tiptoes past. No one has touched it, not Victoria, not Margaret, and not even Lilly. "I wonder..." I murmur to myself, sitting up slowly. My heart races as I swing my legs over the edge of the bed. This feels wrong, disrespectful even, but curiosity gnaws at me. What secrets might Rose's room hold? What parts of her remain frozen in time behind that closed door? "Fuck it," I decide, pushing myself off the bed. I creep down the hallway, feeling like an intruder despite having basically moved in. I pause outside Rose's door, hand hovering over the knob. My conscience screams at me to turn back, but something stronger pulls me forward. The door creaks as I push it open, and the smell hits me immediately, stale air mixed with something sour and rotten. I gag, covering my nose with my hand as I step inside. "Holy shit," I whisper, taking in the chaos before me. Rose's room is the complete opposite of Lilly's orderly space. Clothes lie scattered across the floor, posters hang crookedly on the walls. But what really catches my attention are the dishes, plates with half-eaten meals sitting on every surface, fuzzy with mold that's been growing for over a month. I step carefully around a pizza box. On her desk sits a mug with what must have once been coffee. The contrast to Lilly's immaculate habits is jarring. Despite the mess, there's something hauntingly intimate about being here. This is Rose frozen in time, her last normal day before everything went to hell. I can almost picture her tossing her jacket on the floor, planning to pick it up later, never knowing there wouldn't be a later. My eyes drift to her bookshelf, crammed with colorful spines in complete disarray. Comic books spill sideways, stacked on top of each other without any organization. The Watchwomen, Spider-Man, Iron Woman, East of West, titles I recognize from our late-night conversations when she'd excitedly explain entire story arcs while I’d try to follow along. All similar enough to my old worlds comics. ‘How did Spider-Man survive the gender change?’ I wonder into the abyss. Something sharp twists in my chest. I reach out, fingers hovering over the worn copy of The Watchwomen, then pull back as if burned. What am I doing? This feels wrong, invasive and disrespectful. Rose isn't here to share these with me anymore, to roll her eyes at my clueless questions or laugh at my confusion about which universe was which. The guilt crashes over me like a physical wave. I shouldn't be in here going through her things without Lilly's knowledge. This is sacred ground, the last untouched piece of Rose left in this world. My vision blurs as tears threaten to spill over. God, I miss her. I miss her chaotic energy, her wild laugh, the way she'd throw herself into everything with complete abandon. "I'm sorry," I whisper to the empty room, backing away slowly. "I shouldn't have come in here." I turn and leave quickly, pulling the door shut behind me with a soft click that feels thunderous in the silent hallway. I lean against the wall, taking deep breaths to steady myself. I make my way back to Lilly's room, drawn to its pristine order after the chaos of Rose's space. Everything here feels controlled, predictable, safe. A strange thought creeps into my mind as I sink onto the edge of Lilly's perfectly made bed. If I felt guilty about invading Rose's privacy, why shouldn't I feel the same about Lilly's? Yet somehow, it feels different. Rose is gone, but Lilly... Lilly has become my entire world. "What secrets are you hiding?" I whisper, running my hand over her silky comforter. Before I can talk myself out of it, I'm on my feet, moving toward her desk. My heart pounds as I slide open the top drawer. Part of me expects to find it locked, but it glides open smoothly. Inside is nothing but neatly arranged stationery, pens lined up by color, sticky notes in perfect stacks. I close it and try the next drawer. More of the same, immaculate organization, but nothing personal, nothing revealing. I move to her closet, sliding hangers along the rod, each piece of clothing spaced exactly the same distance apart. Even her shoes are arranged in perfect pairs, toes pointing outward. "Come on, Lilly," I mutter. "Nobody's this perfect." My search for any trace of Lilly's secrets leaves me frustrated. I drop to my knees, peering under her bed, the last place I haven't checked. "Even under here is organized," I mutter, spotting several boxes neatly arranged in the shadows. I reach under and pull out what looks like an old laptop box, then several shoe boxes, each labeled with different running shoe brands. Everything has its place in Lilly's world. I sigh heavily, feeling guilty yet disappointed at finding nothing but perfect order. As I start pushing the boxes back where I found them, my hand catches on something. The edge of one of the floorboards shifts slightly under my palm. "Huh?" I press down on the board again, feeling it give under my fingers. It's loose, noticeably looser than the surrounding boards. My heart rate picks up as I work my fingernails into the small gap and carefully pry upward. The floorboard lifts away easily, revealing a small hidden compartment beneath. A laugh bubbles up from my chest before I can stop it. "Lilly, you dirty dog," I chuckle, shaking my head. "Is this where you stash your porn?" Inside the concealed space sits a plain cardboard box, about the size of a hardcover book. I reach down and carefully lift it out, surprised by its weight. The box isn't sealed or taped shut, just the flaps folded over each other. My curiosity overwhelms any remaining guilt as I open it. Inside, nestled in bubble wrap, is a single external hard drive. Black, unmarked, with just a USB cable coiled neatly beside it. "Ew. Does Lilly download porn?”