Chapter 2: Bugged Hero System.exe

Kai Veyron was beginning to suspect that getting summoned to another world wasn’t going to be as cool as anime made it look. For one thing, he couldn’t read half the system screen flashing in front of his eyes. [ERROR 409: Skill Tree Corrupted] [You have unlocked Passive Skill: "Unpredictable Calamity Aura"] [Warning: Your existence is now a localized hazard.] [System AI Personality: Sarcastic Mode — Enabled.] "...What?" [Hi, Kai. Congrats on being the Hero. Try not to blow up the castle again.] He stared blankly at the golden interface floating in the air. A tiny pixelated chibi version of himself was standing next to a detonating treasure chest. "Okay, that’s probably fine," he mumbled. He flicked his fingers to scroll through the system menu — a move he’d seen in every VR MMO ever — and nearly cried when it actually worked. Except, instead of an organized interface with clear tabs like Stats, Inventory, and Skills, he saw: [Bug] [???] [Lunch Break?] [God Left The Chat] "...What the hell is ’Lunch Break?’" [You don’t need to know that.] "Alright, cool. Definitely stable software." Kai had been in Solaria for less than twelve hours and already managed to collapse a statue, crash the magical grid for the southern district, and cause a noble’s pants to spontaneously combust during dinner. The nobles were still whispering about "The Noodle Hero." Currently, he was standing in the royal courtyard while Princess Elira stared at him like a hawk eyeing a pigeon with a suspiciously large knife. "This is a sword," she said flatly, holding up her flaming rapier. "You will spar with it." Kai looked down at the flimsy wooden training stick in his hand. "This is also a sword," he said, confidence wilting. Elira’s expression didn’t change. "If you’re going to be the Hero, you need basic combat proficiency." "I mean, sure. But maybe we start with something less... stabby?" She lunged. Kai yelped and ducked. Her blade scorched the air above his head, leaving behind a trail of heat and ozone. The ground where he’d been standing smoked. He scrambled back, waving his arms. "I don’t even know what a ’stance’ is! Is that a magic thing? Like JoJo?!" Elira advanced like a predator. "Stop flailing and fight, Hero." "I have no idea what I’m doing!" "Then improvise." So he did. He turned, tripped on a training dummy, and fell face-first into the mud. A second later— [Skill Unlocked: "Slipstream Counter" (??? Rank)] [Passive Activated: You dodged a fatal attack by falling. How.] Elira blinked. Her sword had stabbed directly into the ground where Kai’s head had been a split second ago. Kai looked up from the mud, spitting grass. "Was that... good?" The princess stared at him. And for the first time, just for a flicker of a second—her ears turned slightly pink. After the spar, she escorted him—begrudgingly—to the Royal Mage’s lab, a sprawling chamber of floating tomes and mana-infused machines. They wanted to "analyze" his magical potential. Which, in mage-speak, meant "poke him with glowing sticks and hope nothing explodes." Spoiler: Something exploded. Kai accidentally absorbed a mana scan device when he sneezed. It turned into a tiny glowing orb and was now hovering behind his head like a pet. [You have gained: "Floating Orb of Useless Knowledge"] The orb immediately began reading aloud from a book titled "The 1,001 Theories on Mana Flow Stability." In monotone Elvish. The head mage, Master Lorrin, stared at the results. "...His mana pool is infinite." A scholar dropped his quill. Elira folded her arms, trying to mask her reaction. "That can’t be accurate." "It’s not," Lorrin said. "It broke the reading crystal. Twice." Later that evening, Kai found himself wandering the palace halls, marveling at how everything looked like a fantasy painting. Elira found him in the garden, talking to a bush. "...Are you apologizing to a shrub?" Kai looked over his shoulder. "This bush saw me sneeze fire earlier. I feel like we should clear the air." She stared. He stared back. They stared. "...You’re weird," she said finally. He shrugged. "I get that a lot." She sat down beside him, armor clinking softly. Her long braid fell over her shoulder like a silver waterfall. Moonlight bathed her pale skin in soft radiance. She didn’t look at him. "Kai," she said quietly. "You don’t seem like a warrior." "I’m really not," he said. "But you also don’t seem... scared." "I’ve been delivering food through traffic and bad neighborhoods for four years. You think demon armies are scary? Try a grandma with a missing side order." A small, reluctant laugh escaped her lips. He blinked. "Was that a giggle?" "No." "Pretty sure I heard a giggle." "Silence, Hero." They sat in silence for a few moments. Then she asked something strange. "If... if the time comes when your power threatens this world," she said slowly, "what would you do?" Kai tilted his head. "I’d probably apologize to everyone, then try to blow myself up in a way that takes out something evil with me." She looked at him. Sharp. Surprised. He smiled, soft and tired. "Heroes don’t get happy endings, right?" Elira didn’t respond. She stood up. "Training continues tomorrow. Do not be late." And she left him alone in the moonlight, wondering why his danger alert skill had just activated — even though he was sure she hadn’t drawn her sword. That night, the system glitched again. [System Notice: You have been marked by 3 Divine Factions.] [Warning: Two gods are betting on your survival. One is betting against.] [One assassin is currently watching you sleep.] "Wait—what?" Kai sat up. His room was empty. But the shadows moved near the window. Far across the rooftops of Solaria, a figure in dark armor crouched on a gargoyle. She watched Kai through a spyglass — the so-called Hero, the accident, the anomaly. Her orders were clear: observe, assess, eliminate if necessary. But the man she saw wasn’t what she expected. No bloodlust. No ambition. Just... noodles and jokes. She narrowed her eyes. "If he really is the one in the prophecy..." she whispered, "...then I’ll be the one to end him before the world burns." The assassin vanished into the night.