Chapter 75: Pretense... Is Its Own Kind of Pain.

Chapter 75: Pretense... Is Its Own Kind of Pain. By sunrise, the facade stitched itself back together—fragile but convincing. And so, that was how the days passed. Day in, day out, she would practise with Kesha, learning how best she could fool everyone—herself included. She always carried that smile, that joy, that great happiness of being with family, but it was a pain to keep it all bottled up. She feared the pity she would receive, how they wouldn’t be able to act naturally around her, how they would consider her blindness before doing anything, and worst of all, the pain it would put them through. As always, laughter faded, footsteps died, and the lands grew still. Only then could she drop the mask. Kesha would always arrive on time, helping her map out movements and calculate precise positions based on sound only and vibrations. She learned to differentiate people by the way they breathed, how heavy their steps were, and which foot they mostly rested on. She learned to trail her fingers on walls and furniture, gently feeling the vibrations to realize things. There were rare moments when something would happen, and Aramith or Mozrael would burst into laughter. Lia, startled by it all, would play along, though she could never guess, and it hurt her little heart. Still, though, no matter how broken her body felt, no matter how pained she was, she had to revert to the same lies the next day. She had to suffer through it all, through smiles stitched together by muscle memory and lies whispered to herself. It was hard to go through, but what choice did she have? How could she face the truth? On rare occasions, such as this night, Kesha would sneak in unannounced, and Lia would quickly try to wipe away her tears. But Kesha would always catch her. "I remember telling you I didn’t need to see you pretend?" She’d often ask with a frown. "Kesha...I hate this... I hate not walking... not seeing... not being..."And Kesha just sat beside her quietly and said, "Then hate it. But don’t let it win." She was gentle with the words. "Yes, I want to, but it’s so difficult pretending in front of them. Every day, I fear being caught." The tears flowed freely now. "Of course it’s difficult. That’s why I’m here. You don’t get to fall apart in front of them. You fall apart here. With me, then we wipe your face clean, and you go out there like nothing happened." Kesha wanted to tell her to stop and let them know the truth. In fact, they would help her if they knew. But she kept her thoughts to herself. "Kesha...I don’t know what I would have done without you..." "Well, I guess you would have fallen apart a long time ago," Kesha offered bluntly. Lia breathed through her nose. "I guess so." "Let’s get started then," Kesha stood up, but Lia held her hand and pulled her back. "Kesha...I want you to tell me something." Kesha sighed. "What now?" "You know a lot about me now, but I...I don’t— No. I want to know what you went through to make you like...the way you are. Could you tell me? You always act tough, but I’ve realized you only do that in pretense, just like me. You’re also suffering, so let me know too." This question had been on her mind ever since the first night Kesha visited her. What was her story? "Let’s say I went through a lot to turn out like this, and since you asked, I’ll tell you bits of my past as rewards for anytime you improve. How about that?" Though she wished she could know it all at once, Kesha preferred to tell her bits of it, and she had no choice but to accept knowing the truth that way. And so, they trained, practicing till time ushered them to new light. Not all nights were heavy with grief; others were filled with soft moments. Kesha tossed a soft cushion toward Lia, and it bonked her shoulder. "Too slow." "Not fair! You didn’t even make a sound!" Lia laughed, swiping blindly through the air. "Lesson one: not every enemy announces themselves." Lia grinned. "Fine. Try me again." Another cushion flew, and Lia caught it midair. Both froze."...Did you just...?" Kesha blinked. "Pure luck." Lia was already laughing, cheeks hurting. "I panicked and threw my hands everywhere." Kesha flopped beside her, chuckling. "Still counts. Write it down in the history books." For a moment, the air wasn’t heavy with grief. Time quickly passed in this odd arrangement. And after a week of difficult perseverance and tears shed in secret, Lia had learned enough from Kesha to fully pretend without needing Kesha’s help. Kesha had also revealed her past to Lia, letting the girl understand how and why she was the way she was. Aramith and Mozrael, though fully prepared to go back to their physical training with Gebreth, were informed by Henndar that Gebreth had gone off in seclusion to attempt to break through from the Dragon’s Gate to Heaven’s Gate. This was the fifth time he’d attempted to break through; all four other times, he’d met failure, and the backlash threw him back to the third step of the Dark Gate. They silently wished him luck, though they felt hopeless. And though this reminded them both of their difficulty, they didn’t dwell on it. While Lia was busy learning how to navigate a world that no longer showed itself to her, Henndar was trying to navigate something far worse—a world that refused to see what was right in front of them. Henndar sighed as the latest messenger left his study, another report clutched in hand. Another attack, another random city in ruin. They all had the same report—attacks from the dark figure that had once attacked his borders not too long ago. He held a meeting with all leaders who were present during Lia’s ceremony, warning them of that threat. He made them all aware that though the attacker was unidentified, he was certain it was intentionally orchestrated by someone, and he would do what he could to find out. The others didn’t want to have anything to do with his country’s troubles and left, ignoring his warning that they would most likely be targeted as well. And he was right. In the end, he sent messages to them all, requesting another meeting. Mozrael mentioned the sky was beautiful today. Blue, she said. Lia paused. What... was blue again? Her mind tried to summon it, the memory of it, the feeling of it—but it came up hollow. Just... empty, only a monochrome existed in her mind. Lia shook the thought from her mind and started to hum her favorite lullaby. Suddenly— "Mozrael, is that you?" Lia asked. "Mm." Mozrael approached her. "Kesha called Aramith out to the gardens. Said she wanted to tell him something. Do you know anything about it?" "Kesha?" Lia asked quickly—too quickly. "Don’t tell me she’s..." Lia could already guess what Kesha wanted to tell Aramith, but she wasn’t sure Kesha was ready to take that step. "Do you know where they are?" Lia asked Mozrael, who just nodded and pointed down the balcony they were on. "They’re over there, going to sit under that tree." Lia felt her body stiffen. She didn’t know how to act this one out. They were down there, somewhere she couldn’t feel vibrations to know what was going on. How was she going to pretend? What if she looked the wrong way? Then, as if Lady Luck was smiling upon her, Mozrael suddenly sighed. "I can’t see them. They’re so far away." Lia’s mind worked faster than ever, quickly creating an escape route. She took out her binoculars from her space bracelet. "Here," she quickly handed them over to Mozrael. "Mozrael, be my spy and tell me what you see." She commanded Mozrael, who just smiled and looked through the binoculars, telling her what she saw. Lia had never felt such relief before. ...Kesha was right. The moon did look beautiful that night, and its light made the flowers have an ethereal glow like something out of a painting. And maybe because they had spent the day together and maybe because the night was beautiful and the gentle breeze was calming, for the first time, he ’noticed’ her. Under the moonlight, she looked enchanting. Her platinum hair gleamed, choker and earrings sparkling, and her skin looked like polished porcelain. She was beautiful, hauntingly so. She looked at him and gave him one of her smiles, but this one looked different, softer. "The first time I noticed you, you didn’t even know I existed. It was during your sister’s ceremony." She paused, looking deeply into his eyes. Aramith frowned. What’s with this confession? Kesha continued. "I fell in love with you instantly and decided to learn all I could about you. I wanted to make you mine there and then, hoped you would feel the same." She laughed a bit before continuing. Aramith was tempted to make her stop this, but he noticed her voice was quite heavy. Her laughter felt...different. "After that," she continued," I chased after you, and that night, I went home and made my wish known to many. You see, I am someone many have chased but..." She looked down, and Aramith felt like something was wrong. It sounded like she choked on the last words. He reached out and gently squeezed her hand. She squeezed back, though her hand trembled. Aramith felt his heart racing. This was the first time she had ever looked weak before him, before anyone. He rubbed his thumb across her hand to reassure her, and she nodded before continuing. "For several years now, many suitors had come to my home, asking for my hand in marriage, but then I couldn’t accept them. I had no choice but to play hard to get." He felt two warm drops on his hand. She’s crying? This must be a difficult matter. "You don’t have to." "No," she shook her head. "Please let me finish." He held her hand with both hands now, gently caressing it. Kesha let out a repressed breath, then continued. "There were a few I found interesting, and even one I tried to start something with. He was a nice person, but it didn’t take long before he showed his true colors. He was just like the others, and to them, I am nothing but a tool, a key to open doors with. If they have me, they get many privileges because I’m the princess of the strongest empire." Aramith opened his mouth to speak again, but she shook her head once more. Even though her eyes were down, she could sense his movement. "You see me as a very intelligent and powerful person, but what you don’t know is that I was forced down this path. I had to accomplish all that before I was ten. My only reason for that was so I could reject them. I couldn’t accept a man who was less intelligent or less talented than I, and people understood it. I also mastered the use of my nose to sense and learn so much about people just by sniffing them." "You..." She looked at him, eyes gleaming with tears. "You were different—You are different, and that is what drew me to you. It hurts to say this, Aramith. But I know you don’t have the same feelings for me as I have for you. You don’t love me like I do and-" "Kesha I-" "-don’t have to lie! You shouldn’t say or do that just to make me feel okay. Don’t accept my love out of pity or consideration, Aramith. I want you to accept me and love me because you love me." "But Kesha, I really-" She squeezed his hand and shook her head, wiping the tears with her other hand. "No, you don’t. Aramith, you haven’t fallen in love with me, and I understand that. But I still haven’t given up. I know one day you will return these feelings. You’re a good person. Don’t let that mislead you, because you can’t help everyone, and you don’t have to help everyone." She chuckled after wiping her tears. "Look at me getting all emotional in front of my husband," she teased. As if saying that would make him hers. Seeing this side of Kesha touched him deeply. This was the first time he’d seen her without her mask. This was the real Kesha underneath. That strong, confident, knowledgeable Kesha was but a little girl who was forced to grow up. In that moment, he felt a connection to the girl. Just like her, circumstances pushed him to want to grow, but where he had failed, she had given her all and grown up. They locked eyes, and under the moonlight, as his heart thumped within his chest, he felt the distance between them closing. He felt the warm air of her breath as her lips parted, and he drew closer but- "No," Kesha raised a hand to his mouth. "You’re only doing this because of the situation we find ourselves in." He flushed pink. "Look at him getting shy," Kesha teased, pinching his cheeks, her brave front rising once more. She stood, stretching. "Tomorrow will be a long day. I’ll be in the meeting, standing in for my people, so... I won’t see you much. Don’t go missing me too much, okay? We’ll spend more time together... after we’re officially married." That made Aramith smile. Small, quiet, complicated. "...I... I think that’s all," Mozrael muttered, lowering the binoculars. She turned—but Lia was already drifting away. Mozrael opened her mouth, then stopped. Better to leave it at that. They saw nothing.